


The Pitch

by US1775



Series: The Pitch [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-22 10:26:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7432794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/US1775/pseuds/US1775
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As requested, the first part of The Pitch.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first taste of an addiction

 It all began on the pitch. They fell in love with the game and each other.

Tobin’s boyfriend Danny suggestively kissed her neck as Tobin tried to talk to him. “D...please I’m trying to tell you that my mom won’t stop bugging me about soccer! Can you focus for one second?!” Tobin said raising her voice and putting a little more space between her and her boyfriend on the couch.

“If my Dad catches you doing that he’ll kill you.” Tobin stated with a small smirk of amusement.

Tobin never had any problems finding boyfriends. Most of the time she just grew tired of them and just never kept them around for too long. Danny was different. He was the first guy that had managed to keep her attention. They shared a common interest, he played baseball and she played softball and they were neighbors. He was handsome and sweet. What more could she want?

“Ok sorry baby girl, I just lose myself. So, your Mom is not gonna stop bugging till you try it? Why is she pushing this so much?” Danny replied with genuine interest.

“I don’t know. She said that Lauren plays and Lauren’s parents said that I would be a natural since they’ve seen me play other sports and I’m really fast. They said I could join Lauren’s team. I hate joining a new team when they already have all their positions covered...not to mention I HAVE NEVER PLAYED SOCCER BEFORE!” Tobin ranted in an exasperated tone.

Cindy was Tobin’s mother and Tobin was Cindy’s pride and joy. She was beautiful and talented and she was a good daughter. Always did what she was told and her grades were always perfect. Cindy had developed a habit of showing her daughter off and having her try different things so she could prove to everyone that Tobin’s abilities were indeed more superior that an average 13 yr old girl.

Tobin’s older sister Perry hated that their mother did this and fought with her about it often. Of course never in front of Tobin. Perry knew that Tobin was special in more than one way and she just wanted their mother to let her breath and find her own way. Instead she kept volunteering her daughter for things, always boasting that she could handle anything. Multiple sports, singing, playing an instrument in the band and now her latest conquest...soccer.

It was a classic case of a mother living vicariously through her daughter.

And yet, Tobin and her mother were extremely close. Tobin confided in her mother about everything that was going on in her life like friends, relationships and school. They carried on a mother/daughter best friend relationship and their bond was very strong.

“Just try it beautiful and she’ll leave you alone.” Danny said taking Tobin’s hand and kissing her knuckles lightly.

Tobin really liked Danny. She felt that this was the first time she had something real. Maybe she had finally found the one.

The weekend soon came and the first day of soccer practice loomed over her. Tobin was never really good at making new friends. She was quiet and shy and preferred sitting back and observing. At least she would know one person on the team, Lauren Cheney. Tobin and Lauren had known each other for at least 3 years and they had met on Tobin’s first softball team. Lauren was sweet and funny. Tobin loved to hang out with her. She always made Tobin feel more comfortable and at ease. She was more than grateful that Lauren would be there.

“Girls, this is Tobin Heath. This is her first time playing soccer so let’s welcome her. We're gonna try her out until she figures out what position she’s best at. Let’s go around the circle so everyone can introduce themselves.” The coach said with a smile crossing his arms over his considerably round belly.

“Hi, I’m Lauren, I’m a midfielder and there is no room for you on this team.” Lauren was just able to get the sentence out before she guffawed maniacally. Tobin smiled rolling her eyes.  
“Oh Tobs, you know I love you.”  
“Oh its ok, I’m only friends with you because you have no friends.” Tobin replied with a mischievous smirk.

“Hope, keeper.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Icy blue eyes, intimidating, oozing confidence, fearless)

“What’s up, I’m Kelley. I’m a defender.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Small, bright smile, freckles, bubbly energy.)

“Hey, I’m Ashlyn. I’m also a keeper.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Dimple, blonde hair, kind eyes.)

“I’m Ali. I’m a defender. Welcome.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Sparkling eyes, genuine smile...oh look at that, her nose crinkles.)

“Hey...Kristie. I’m a middy.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Smiles with her eyes, Cali blonde, bubbly.)

“Carli...I’m a midfielder. Welcome rook.” (Big, friendly and a little intimidating.)

“I’m also Christie...Rampone, but you can call me Cap. I am the Captain after all. Defender” (Motherly for sure, strong and caring)

“What up! I’m Sydney but you can call my Syd....Syd tha kid....power forward!” (Tobin’s brain notes: Funny, dimples, outgoing and friendly)

“Megan Rapinoe. Just call me Pinoe...middy.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Short hair, warm smile, this one looks like a troublemaker)

“I’m Abby, I’m also a forward. Welcome.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Confidence, noble, calm and humble.)

“Alexandra Morgan, I’m a forward. Just call me Alex. Nice to meet you.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: .....breathe Tobin, just breathe. Don’t be fucking weird Tobin. Stop staring.)

There were a few other players that introduced themselves after Alex but Tobin had spaced out. She couldn’t quite figure out what just happened. She felt blind-sided or more like she had just been hit by a Mack truck. Tobin had noticed girls and women since she was old enough to understand what she was looking at. Her earliest memories were of having a crush on Perry’s best friend in high school that happened to be 15 years her senior. Tobin was only 6 or 7 years old.

How does a child understand what they are feeling if they don’t understand the world yet? Tobin always felt like her little crushes on girls were a normal thing. She never told any of her friends about this. She reasoned with herself that every girl felt the way she did once in a while. Besides, she always had a boyfriend and she was content with that. All her friends had boyfriends and that was the thing to do right?

Yes, she had noticed girls before but Alex...she had never seen anything like Alex before. She had never had this feeling before. Alex had sparkling blue eyes and an impossibly perfect smile. Her voice was raspy and her nose was perfect and petite. Her long light brown hair was straight and silky. And her lips were so pink and perfect that Tobin was having a hard time not staring at them. Tobin found that she was having a hard time not staring at Alex period. She had just met her and she had to make a huge effort not to stare. She didn’t want to make a bad impression and freaking someone out by being creepy was the last thing she needed right now.

She didn’t know what was going on until Lauren ran over and shook her shoulders to get her attention.

“Hey space cadet! You ready to go?! Come on. Don’t be nervous. Soccer is fun and I’m sure you’ll pick it up quick. You always do.”

Tobin chuckled nervously and nodded her head at Lauren. The team started to warm up and Alex walked right over to Tobin.

“Hey Tobin, wanna be my warm up partner? I’ll go easy on you, I promise.” Alex’s raspy voice and gorgeous smile literally took the breath right from her lungs.

“Uhh..yea sure. Thanks.” Tobin managed to squeak out.

Throughout warm ups and scrimmages Tobin slowly began to pick up skills easily by watching the other players. She began to feel that familiar feeling she always got when she started to really like something. It was always like a minor addiction for Tobin once she started to show just a little promise. She would work and work and work until she got it right. It was somewhat of an addiction with new endeavors.

She always knew right away if a new sport or activity was going to be worth her time or not. If she felt confident and determined in her ability to pick up the new skill right from the get go then she was in it for the long haul. If she just wasn’t picking it up and she felt discouraged then she knew the attempt at learning would be futile. Tobin never really had the patience for anything more than that. It was either all in or all out all the time. The only thing she had run into that she had to write off as a loss so far was Tennis. Oh Tennis and that odd finesse you needed to swing that racket just right. One round of messing around on the courts is all it took for Tobin to swear that sport off forever.

The coach had Tobin pair up with Kelley on defense so the small freckled girl could teach her how to get in position on and off the ball. She showed Tobin when and how to attack and when to be patient.

“The key with defense is to be aggressive but patient and don’t EVER forget to listen for the keeper. The keeper always has command of her defense. Always, always, always keep your ears open for their instructions. Hope is pretty loud and she will really get in your ass if you don’t pay attention.” Kelley said turning to look at Hope and smiling sweetly at her.

“And Ashlyn? Is she loud too?” Tobin asked breaking the little happy place Kelley seemed to have wandered into as her and Hope locked eyes.

“Uh yea...Ash that big dork. She’s loud and dorky! Right you clueless love struck dorky puppy?” Kelley teased looking over to where Ashlyn and Ali were giggling off to the side. Tobin saw how Ashlyn didn’t even hear Kelley because her attention was 100% focused on Ali and whatever she was saying at the moment.

 When the coach set her up to shoot goals with the rest of the forwards, he told Alex to take Tobin under her wing.

“Oh fuck...great, there’s no way I’m going to be able to concentrate now.” Tobin thought to herself.

Alex walked over confidently. “So rook, you ready for me to show you how it’s done?”

Tobin smiled and nodded her head. “I hope the coach knows what he’s doing because I only like to take instruction from the best. I assume that’s you?”

“I’m not one to brag so I will just let my skills speak for themselves.” Alex replied biting her lip and smiling.

“Yea, definitely not gonna be able to concentrate.” Tobin thought to herself.

Tobin felt excited and a flurry of butterflies constantly swirled in her stomach as Alex taught her how best to maneuver the field.

“You have to be in tune with your team mates. You have to learn how to read them and remember that your job as a middy is to help make plays or help the strikers finish them. Your job as a forward is the same except, you finish the plays sometimes too. You’ll get it. Just go with the flow and have fun.”

Tobin started to notice little lingering touches in between the instruction. Alex would either have a hand on her shoulder or she would loosely grab her shirtsleeve when showing her different forms of dribbling. The contact was making Tobin feel light headed but she soon started to crave it more and more. Tobin began to do things to get more attention from Alex. She would playfully yank Alex’s ponytail lightly just to get her attention and then fake innocence when she turned around. Or she would grab Alex shirt tale and yank it down. Tobin soon realized that she was clearly flirting with Alex. These were things boys did to get her attention all the time. She put the thought out of her head though and attempted to concentrate on the task at hand.

After some instruction and some time scrimmaging, Tobin felt that she might have found her place on the field.

Finally it was time for her to take position in goal. The coach put her in rotation with Ashlyn and Hope.

“Tobin...this is a lonely place dude...lonely but bad ass. We are the last line of defense. We get shot at on a daily. You ready for this shit?” Ashlyn smiled after giving her speech and gave Tobin a reassuring pat on the back.

Tobin laughed and nodded her head. Ashlyn gave off a certain calm and light heartedness that was infectious. She decided she really liked Ashlyn. Hope’s aura seemed to be the complete opposite. All business all the time. Tobin respected that. Hope was the image of complete concentration as Ashlyn and Tobin waited their turn. The rest of the team lined up for shots.

When Abby, Syd and Alex took their shots they wore small knowing smirks. They shot hard and fast. One shot from Alex’s left foot glanced off Hope’s left hand so hard that it sounded like it had hit the goal post. Hope blocked every single shot with an impressive fluidity and ease.

Soon it was Ashlyn’s turn. She missed only one shot each from Alex and Abby but Tobin noticed that her reflexes were amazing and she kept a very positive attitude. Then Ali stepped up to take a shot. She smiled big, her nose crinkling earning an equally big smile in return from Ashlyn. Tobin recognized their chemistry right away. It wasn’t hard to see that Ashlyn and Ali had a very strong bond. Their smiles and playful showdown was so amusing that it had Tobin unknowingly smiling to herself.

“They are so cute, huh? So cute and so obvious. I wish they’d make it official already.” Alex suddenly spoke up to the left of Tobin. Tobin noticed immediately that Alex was standing really close to her. She spoke in a low voice so as not to disturb the silence that had fallen over the scene they were both watching.

“Uhh yea I can tell they’re close. How long have they been best friends?” Tobin asked not taking her eyes off the spectacle so she didn’t have to look into the beautiful blue sea that were Alex Morgan’s eyes.

“Ha! Yea, they’ve been ‘best friends’ for pretty much all their lives. I’ve only known them for about 5 yrs but they were already this disgusting when I met them.” Alex laughs shaking her head.

“They’ve been playing soccer together since they were little kids. I don’t know how long they’ve been boning though. Well, who knows? Ash might not have made a move yet. She needs to stop wasting time, Ali is hot and she isn’t gonna be available forever.”

Tobin sputtered choking on the water she was drinking. Ali shot to the left. Ashlyn missed.

“Wha? That’s not what I meant... I mean...I’m sorry I don’t know the story behind anyone’s friendship on the team.” Tobin sputtered nervously. Alex had a small glint of amusement in her eyes.

“Fuck her and those eyes.” Tobin thought to herself.

“Oh its ok Tobin. You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s cool to be out on this team. We’re very accepting. Plus we already have a few players that are already paired off officially. If you look hard enough you can pick them out easily. They’re kinda big into PDA except for these two idiots who haven’t made it official.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what you mean. “ Tobin replied honestly. Alex’s expression was a mixture of amusement and disbelief. She couldn’t believe Tobin was this naïve.

In the background Tobin heard Ashlyn jokingly make an excuse about missing Ali’s shot because the “sun was in my eyes!”

“Oh I’m sure it was the sun Ash. It had nothing to do with you two eye-fucking each other.” Alex bellowed never taking her eyes off Tobin.

Tobin heard the girls snickering around her as she remained locked in the game of stare with Alex. She felt a little light headed but not the least bit uncomfortable. For some reason she found an overwhelming sense of calm in Alex’s cerulean eyes and she embraced it.

“You...uhh...where did you grow up, Tobin? Not in Cali right?” Alex smiled with curiosity and was that excitement, maybe?

What was she getting at? What was she trying to figure out? Tobin felt so lost but the look of genuine kindness in Alex eyes made her feel at ease.

“South Texas. I moved here when I was 8.” Tobin answered in a practiced tone that she had perfected after moving to a new town and being asked the same questions thousands of times.

 Alex nodded her head and widened her eyes a little in understanding.

“Let me ask you something, you ever gone on a sleep over or a house party or a date?” Alex asked sounding like a person conducting an interview or a psychiatric analysis.

Tobin laughed a little at the random questions she was currently being bombarded with. “Do you always ask such random questions Alex? Should I get used to this?”

“Of course you should if you want to get to know me.” Alex’s eyes lit up mischievously with her open ended flirtatious statement.

“I mean you do want to be my friend don’ t you Tobin? Did I not make a good first impression?” Alex placed an arm around Tobin’s neck and looked at her inquisitively waiting for an answer.

Tobin’s stomach was flip-flopping. She imagined acrobats in Cirque Du Soleil effortlessly flying through the air touching down only for brief seconds before lifting off the ground again taking flight.

“Uh, yea of course Lex. You’ve made a great first impression. The jury is still out on friendship though. I haven’t figured out if you’re special yet.” Alex’s face lit up with amusement as she doubled over in laughter.

“Lex..hmmm...” Alex mulled over the further shortening of her name, tasting it on the tip of her tongue to see if she liked the palate. “Ok, smart ass. Let’s see how long it takes you to figure out just how special I am. I think I’m liking you too Tobin...but the jury is still out on THAT...so there that is.” Alex said giving Tobin a wink and sauntering off to join the line again.

A few players are paired off? What did she mean by that? Tobin wondered to herself. She looked around at the players. Some were in little groups talking, some watching and others laughing. And then there it was. Clear as day. Tobin felt like she was looking at an optical illusion photo and was finally making out the picture after a few seconds of staring.

Hope had gone off to the side to drink some water and Kelley was lovingly wiping the grass off the keeper’s shoulders and wiping the sweat off her brow with a small towel. Hope smiled at Kelley as she wiped her face and whispered something in her ear that had the defender giggling giddily. Since Tobin had arrived at practice she had not seen even a hint of a smirk on Hope’s face and now Kelley, in all her freckled glory, was making her smile as if that’s what she had been doing all along. The smile on Hope’s face and her entire aura changed. The serious, intimidating, keeper’s body language conveyed only one thing...Hope was in love and she wasn’t ashamed of it.

Tobin smiled softly to herself at this image and then she let her sight wander to the rest of the team. She soon found another pair that was even more obvious. Sydney and Kristie. Syd and Kristie were the image of pure happiness and Tobin could tell they were absolutely smitten. Syd sat on the grass as Kristie sat in front of her leaning back into her chest. Syd leaned forward slinking her arms around Kristie’s midsection giving her a little squeeze. They didn’t speak to each other. Tobin sensed the love emanating off the couple as they both just smiled at the bodily contact they were currently in.

“Wow...they all look really happy.” Tobin thought as she once again felt the corners of her mouth form into a smile. She felt light and happy at the sight of all this love that this team seemed to be blessed with. Tobin started feeling safe and warm and she loved it.

“Tobin, you’re up buddy. No fear.” Ashlyn said showing her dimple.

 Tobin managed to block only a few shots. When Alex took her turn Tobin decided not to even try to block it unless Alex kicked it right to her face. Which of course is exactly what she did.

Tobin wasn’t half bad between the goal posts. Years of softball had made her quick on her feet but when being compared with Ashlyn and Hope, the dynamic duo shutting down the goal like Fort Knox, she knew it wasn’t really her best option.

After practice Tobin went up to Alex tentatively. She sensed that their interaction had broken the ice and she felt a little more comfortable around her.

“So what was that for Lex? Trying to destroy the money maker?” Tobin motioned to her face as she said “money maker” which caused another burst of laughter to bellow out of Alex. Tobin decided she wanted to hear Alex laugh as much as possible from now on.

“Watch it there super star. We don’t want your head getting too big. It’s only the first practice. Soccer is not as easy as it seems. I know you softball players. You’re so used to catching shit that’s flying right at your face. Just thought I’d help you out a little. You know, make you look good. I knew you’d catch it. You didn’t disappoint.”

“Oh I try to never disappoint.”

“I believe it. I bet you’re a crowd pleaser huh? Always do what you’re told, stay in between the lines?”

“So what if I do? Is there something wrong with that?” Tobin’s voice was quickly taking on a defensive tone as the statement poured out of her mouth.

Quickly and effortlessly diffusing any negativity...“No, not at all. I’ve decided I like you kid. Even if you are a goody two shoes. Oh and...no one has ever called me Lex so...the jury is still out on that too. You know, on whether I’ll let you call me that or not.” Alex said good-naturedly. She smiled at Tobin one last time and gave her a fist bump before walking off.

“Cute...really fucking cute.” Alex mumbled under her whimsical smirk after she turned her back to walk away.

“Good night Lex!” Tobin yelled.

“Good night Toby!” Alex yelled back as she continued to retreat into the parking lot.

‘Toby”...ugh now that IS a nickname that Tobin has heard before and she hated it. “It looks like I won’t be the only one looking to approve a nick name.” Tobin mumbled to herself as she watched Alex get into a dark SUV. Tobin felt a goofy grin playing on her lips and immediately wondered why the hell she was smiling like an idiot.

She was ripped out of her reverie as the coach pat her on the back.

“That was a great first practice Tobin! Are you sure you have never played soccer before? You are really good for never having been on the pitch.”

“I swear I’ve never played coach. I feel kinda lost sometimes though. It makes me feel like I’m gonna mess up. I don’t know what you guys mean half the time. Like what’s off sides and how do you get awarded a penalty kick or a corner kick? I don’t know coach, I don’t want to mess things up.”

“Don’t worry, that stuff is easy to learn and you will get it in no time. What can’t be taught is what you already have and that’s raw talent. I’m not sure yet but I think you can be good as a midfielder. You have great chemistry in play. I can see you being a play maker.”

Just as the coach was finishing his sentence they heard a honk from the street. Her mother was waiting for her parked near the curb. She gathered the last of her things and walked to her mother’s car with the coach following closely behind.

Coach Cano spoke with Tobin’s mother repeating what he had just told Tobin.

“She shows a lot of promise Mrs. Heath. I’m glad you brought her. I hope she had a good time. I’ll see ya’ll at the next practice.”

The coach waved at them as they drove off.  
“Hey sweetie, how did your first practice go? Did you like it?”  
Tobin smiled sweetly and with a knowing smirk playing on her lips she answered. “Oh yea, Ma. I liked it. I liked it a lot.”


	2. Dynamic Duo

After a week of practice Tobin started to get the hang of her position with tremendous help and patience from her teammates and of course Alex. She felt welcomed into the family environment the team had created after playing together for so many years.

 “So I think you might be able to play a game without embarrassing yourself thanks to me of course.”

Alex walked up to Tobin resting her arm on her shoulder during a break. Tobin was not used to being so physically close to someone. Even after being part of softball teams and basketballs teams. Alex seemed to be a very “touchy feely” type of teenager that was always in bodily contact with her friends in one way or another. Tobin noticed it right away. Holding hands, sitting on laps, heads on shoulders, slaps on the butt, hugs and everything else in between. With Tobin, Alex had only crossed the line into subtle touching. Alex seemed to have limited herself with Tobin to variations of contact with their arms as she was now. Leaning on Tobin, grabbing Tobin’s forearm to get her attention, high fives, yanking Tobin’s sleeves or shirt tail and pats on the back. Even though the contact from Alex was friendly and seemingly innocent, Tobin still could not get used to it no matter how many times it happened.

Little shocks to her spine, butterflies in her stomach, sweaty palms and even a slight chattering of her teeth. That was the weirdest side effect. Of course Tobin had heard of all the cliché side effects that were supposed to be the tell-tale signs of being in love but she ignored that. Alex was straight and, well Tobin was too. At least she was pretty sure she was. She had a boyfriend and she had always had boyfriends so why was she feeling different now?

“Oh...wait...hold on, you mean thanks to you or thanks to my extraordinary natural talent and crazy ability to pick up new skills so easily?”

Tobin and Alex were locked in another game of stare as had become customary with them. They stayed that way until Alex crossed her eyes causing Tobin to laugh out loud and soon Alex was joining in.

“You cheated! How could I keep a straight face after seeing that?!” “Trying to say I’m funny looking kid?”  
“Uh...no, uh I was just joking. I-I mean...I....”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Nice one Tobin. Real smooth)

“I know you’re joking you dork cuz I’m obviously fabulous darling! Positively fabulous!” The two girls burst out in another fit of laughter.

 Alex and Tobin had developed chemistry on the field as well. It seemed as if Tobin knew how Alex moved and what she would do next. Alex had a smooth and swift quality of play that only Tobin seemed to be able to keep up with. When it came down to it, no one on the team could really keep the same pace as Alex and Tobin really couldn’t either. Sure Tobin had always been fast. She held the record for most stolen bases on her softball team but Alex was in a class all her own and Tobin was just fast enough to be able to create the dynamic that Alex needed to execute goal after goal from every perfect cross or flick that Tobin sent her way. They had set a perfect rhythm that was unstoppable. This resulted in dozens of beautiful plays and goals.

“Tobin and Alex you two are the dynamic duo! Seems like you were born for this partnership!” Coach Cano said one day during practice.

“Aww thanks coach. I taught this kid all she knows!” Alex said ruffling Tobin’s hair.

Tobin began to fall in love with soccer. After the first practice she told her mother she needed her to get her a few things if this soccer thing was going to work. A hacky sack and of course a soccer ball. Cindy would never deny her daughter anything within reason especially if it meant that it was going to help her excel in whatever she wanted to do.

Tobin began to break the hacky sack in right away. She repeated the dribbling and footwork Alex had taught her until it was perfect and then she began to create new skills from whatever came to mind. Once she had a handle on the tricks with the hacky sack she would pick up the soccer ball and repeat the process until it was perfect. The hacky sack was good for when she couldn’t take the soccer ball somewhere. Other than that, Tobin was always in possession of either the hacky sack or the soccer ball. She worked tirelessly and became addicted. Tobin had developed a taste for the game and wanted nothing more than to excel. And of course she couldn’t deny that she wanted to impress Alex with her level of play and ability.

Tobin’s mother had not been able to make a practice yet which surprised Tobin because she always attended her practices. Cindy had become increasingly busy at work and she hated that her daughter was excelling in yet another endeavor and she was missing out on her progress. So she made it a point to have a co-worker cover for her so she could attend this practice.

“Hey Tobs your mom made a practice finally?’ Lauren asked her.

“Yea, she’s been really busy at work.” Tobin smiled at her friend.

“I love your mom dude. She’s the sweetest!”

Cindy was always the favorite when it came to the mothers. Always down for whatever the team needed and very patient and understanding.

“Which one is your mom dude?” Ashlyn asked looking to the stands as she held Ali in a one armed embrace.

“Hey ma!” Tobin yelled waving to Cindy in the stands.

Cindy broke away from the conversation she was having with Lauren’s mother shielding her eyes from the sun so she could make out her daughter.

“Hey honey!” she replied waving back with a big smile on her face.

Ashlyn, Ali, Kelley, Pinoe and Syd all waved back along with Tobin and yelled “HI MOM!” simultaneously.

Tobin shook her head rolling her eyes.

 “You have her smile you know.” Alex suddenly spoke up in Tobin’s left ear “Jesus, Lex you really need to stop sneaking up on me like that!”

“Well if you didn’t scare so easily it wouldn’t be a problem.” Alex replied, blue eyes sparkling as she chuckled.

“But seriously, you have her smile. You know big....but yours is ....kinda...perfect...” Alex let out mumbling the last few words under her breath.

“Huh?” Tobin inquired having missed what Alex had said.

“Ok ladies, gather round so we can talk about the upcoming regional tournament in San Francisco!” Coach Cano yelled just as Tobin was going to ask Alex what she had said.

After Coach Cano gave all the details for the trip and told the team what he needed from them, practice broke and all the couples started to wander off together.

“Hey wait! Team party at my house tonight!” Pinoe yelled causing the girls to gather around again.

“Pinoe you idiot, the last time you had a team party someone called the cops and we barely made it out before getting caught.” Hope said with a pointed look at the short blonde.

“Its different this time guys. We can just gag Syd and tie her up when she starts getting too loud and rowdy.”  
“Hey! Leave my girlfriend alone! It wasn’t her. It was the loud ass music that Ashlyn kept turning up!” Kristie defended.

“WTF how did this become my fault?” Ashlyn said putting her hands up in the air feigning innocence.

“Yea leave Ash alone guys, it’s not her fault she’s not too smart.” Ali said through a gorgeous smile.

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side Kreiger!”

“Hey I am babe...ok, ok, I will say this. She’s not too smart but she’s fucking adorable.”

“OH JUST COME OUT ALREADY!” the team screamed in one big chorus.

Tobin found the scene hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing.

“You coming Toby?” Alex said suddenly putting Tobin on the spot.

The team all looked at Tobin expectantly.

“Yea come on Tobin. You have to come so we can officially initiate you into the team.” Kelley said with a mischievous grin spreading across her freckled face.

“I’m not sure I really trust that sneaky little grin you’re giving me right now squirrel.”  
“Oh she’s coming guys, don’t worry. I’ll make sure she goes.” Alex stated with confidence. “I bet you will.” Sydney mumbled to Kristie under her breath.

 “Yea Tobs, we can ride together. I’ll tell your mom.” Lauren said excitedly.

“And how are you gonna make sure I’m going?” Tobin asked Alex pulling her shirttail to get her attention.

“Oh I got my ways. Chen dog is my go to girl. We communicate without words Toby. I’ve know Chen much longer than you have, don’t forget.”

“Well good luck, my mom doesn’t let me go to parties.”

“Yea, I kinda figured.” Alex said with a knowing smile playing on her pink lips.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing Toby, I’m just really good at reading people.”

“Oh really? What is your reading on me?”

“I’ll tell you when I’m ready. But first let’s go over here so you can introduce me to your mom.”

“Ok guys be there at 10!” Pinoe yelled before sprinting to the parking lot where her ride was waiting for her.

“Hey Chen, let’s go meet Toby’s mom.”  
“You do know I already know Cindy right? Oh and Tobin hates to be called Toby.”

“THANK YOU! I keep telling her that but she doesn’t seem to get the hint.” Tobin said rolling her eyes.

The girls giggled as they approached Lauren and Tobin’s mothers.

“Hi Mrs. Heath, I’m Alexandra but you can call me Alex.” Alex held her hand out for Cindy to take but Cindy completely ignored it and went straight in for a hug.

“Hi Alex. So you’re the one that my daughter has been going on and on about. I have to say after watching you practice I see why my daughter is so taken with you.”

“MOM!” Tobin groaned overcome with embarrsment.

“Oh really? So she talks about me huh?” Alex said as she tried to make eye contact with a flustered Tobin who was clearly doing anything to avoid looking at her.

“Well I have to thank you for helping her out. She hasn’t stopped working on her game and the skills you showed her are really helping her.”

“Oh its cool. I love to help. I love the game. So Mrs. Heath, the girls were gonna have a little slumber party later tonight and we wanted Tobin to join us. Lauren says she can take care of the transportation arrangements?”

“Oh yea Mrs. H, I can take her. We really want Tobin to come so she can get to know the team better.”

“Where is the slumber party going to be and will there be a parent present?”

“Mrs. Heath, we will be at Megan Rapinoe's house and her mother will be supervising all night. Tobin will be in good hands.” Alex interjected with ease.

“I can write down the address if you have a piece of paper. I’m sure I have it memorized by now since its pretty much the official headquarters for the team.” Alex laughed.

“Oh Alex, please call me Cindy. I tell Lauren the same thing but she just refuses to listen.” Cindy said shaking her head at Lauren.

“Oh well Lauren is like that sometimes Cindy but she’ll catch on eventually.”

Cindy laughs and Tobin sees her really looking at Alex. She sees the all too familiar measuring look her mother always gives anyone in Tobin’s life when she first meets them. The only difference is that Tobin is floored to see that Cindy is looking at Alex with a look that is already half taken over by genuine affection.

‘Wow, my mom really likes you Lex.’ Tobin thinks to herself.

“Oh its ok Alex. I think I can trust you young ladies to behave yourselves.”

“Really? I can go?” Tobin asks clearly exasperated.

“Well yea, I think you’re old enough to be on your own for one night.”

“Well you can always bring your mom with you Tobin, I bet she knows more than you when it comes to having a good time.”

They all laughed and Tobin was shocked at how easy Alex maneuvered her way through any situation.

‘Oh she’s good.’ Tobin thought genuinely amused with Alex.

“I am very flattered that you wouldn’t mind me coming along but I have adult responsibilities to deal with. Enjoy this time you have now girls because soon you won’t be able to have ANY fun.”

“We get it Cindy, who would make the money to take care of our little Tobin if you took a night off to hang out with a bunch of dorks?”

They all broke out in a chorus of laughter once again. Alex was bringing the house down and Tobin couldn’t help but just stare at her and shake her head in disbelief.

“Ok, well have fun girls. It was really nice to meet you Alex.”

“Oh no it was nice to meet you. Lauren has always said you are the sweetest and she’s right.” Alex says genuinely smiling at Cindy.

“Come on Tobin lets go so you can get a quick shower in before Lauren comes to pick you up.”

Tobin takes one last glance at Alex and smiles before following her mother to the parking lot.

“You fucking lied to Cindy, Alex. You know Pinoe’s mom is gonna be working all night.”

“I did no such thing, Chen. I would never lie. I didn’t say Pinoe’s mom would be there. I said Pinoe’s mom would be supervising all night and she will be....at work.”

Lauren laughed shaking her head at the forward.

“You like her don’t you.” Lauren asked Alex more to see her reaction to the question than anything else.

Lauren knew that Alex was crushing hard on Tobin from the first practice. She knew Alex better than she knew anyone else on the team and no matter how well Alex hid her true feelings, Lauren could always read between the lines.

Lauren also knew that Alex might be confused since up to this point, Alex had never found interest in a girl as far as Lauren knew.

“Uh, I don’t know how to answer that. I can tell you that I’ve never felt like this before. I can also tell you that I think she’s gorgeous. And I can also tell you that if you say anything to anyone about this, you’re dead.”

Lauren smiles softly at her friend.

“My lips are sealed. Take your time figuring this out. Tobin is a big sweet heart and I love her. I love you both. You seem to be perfect for each other, but like I said, figure out how you feel before you take the next step. I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

“Thanks Chen, I love you too.”

“Hey, I’m excited for you. Have fun tonight.” Lauren says as she makes her way to her car where her mother is waiting for her.

“Have fun...I plan to.” Alex says smiling to herself as a flurry of butterflies comes alive in her stomach.


	3. The Party

“Nice outfit Toby. Did you really have to dress up just for me?”

“Well since someone lied to my mom saying that this was a slumber party, I had to play along and she made me put on my pjs.”

Tobin shrugs trying to act nonchalant but really cursing her mother for making her look like such a dork.

“And pink...that’s my favorite color you know.” Alex finds the pajamas endearing and she can’t keep a smile off her face.

“Jesus, I’m never gonna hear the end of this am I?” I’m gonna go change now thanks.”

Tobin quickly makes her way to a door in Megan’s house that looks like the bathroom but ends up being a coat closet.

She hears a chorus of laughter behind her and turns around to see Syd, Kristie, Pinoe, Alex, Ali, Ashlyn, Abby, Christie, Kelley and Lauren overcome with laughter. Hope is sitting close by on the couch with a little smirk shaking her head at the sight.

Alex saunters over to Tobin still giggling.

“As you can see, that’s not a bathroom but you can change in the closet if you want. I’ll watch the door for you.”

“NO, No, Tobin, don’t go in the closet! Stay out, just stay out. There’s more room out here anyway. Just embrace it.”

Kelley yells out laughing hysterically.

Hope gets up and picks up her small girlfriend draping her over her shoulder with ease as she makes her way outside to the patio area.

“What was that all about?” Tobin asks Alex clearly confused. Alex laughs and shakes her head.

“Don’t worry I think she’s already drunk off that bottle of Boones we just opened. What a lightweight. Come on, let me show you where the bathroom is.”

Tobin hears snickering from the group of girls as she follows Alex up the stairs.

Its dark in the stair way and Alex reaches behind her finding Tobin’s hand in the darkness. When their hands touch Tobin is startled both at the suddenness of the contact and the way her chest feels like it’s on fire. Her breath catches in her throat and she makes a small noise when she sharply in hales.

“I’m sorry...its really dark and I’m just making sure you don’t trip or something.” Alex mumbles quickly letting go of Tobin’s hand.

Tobin instantly feels a dark sense of emptiness replace the fire she had just felt igniting her chest. The last thing she wanted was for Alex to let go. She thinks that she may not want Alex to ever let go of her hand and the thought makes her head spin. Tobin feels like she’s on the verge of something big that she can’t explain and she knows that this is the start of something that she will spend many sleepless nights trying to figure out.

“No...hey Lex its ok. I do need you to lead me. I can’t see shit!” Tobin laughs giddily and starts to feel the butterflies in her stomach come alive with the anticipation of Alex holding her hand again. She can’t see Alex but she can sense her presence above her on the stairs. She smells the clean sweet scent of Alex’s perfume and closes her eyes savoring it. The absence of one of her senses is heightening the other 4 and when Alex finds her hand again she feels like a hole in the center of her soul that she never knew she had was being filled. A whirlwind of feelings was hitting her all at once and it was taking all her will power to keep from pulling Alex's hand down toward her so that she could engulf her in a hug. She felt calm, warm and safe and yet she also felt dangerous, excited and reckless. All Tobin could decide at that moment was that she wouldn’t mind feeling that way more often...maybe non-stop.

(Tobin’s brain notes: ....WOW....)

When they finally reach the top of the stairs, Alex’s grip on her hand doesn’t lessen and she holds it all the way to the bathroom door. When Alex turns to look at Tobin she’s biting her bottom lip and Tobin feels an urge to kiss Alex hit her so quickly and with such force that she literally has to restrain herself by holding her breath, biting her tongue and bracing herself on the wall with her free hand.

“So here it is. Let me know if you need anything. I’ll wait for you on the stairs.” Alex walks by Tobin making brief contact with their shoulders and Tobin is glad she has her hand on the wall because she feels dizzy enough to pass out.

Tobin stumbled numbly through the bathroom door and quickly changes not wanting to keep Alex waiting for too long.

Tobin’s acid washed skinny jeans and white chucks were both a compromise her mother made with her when they went school shopping last year. Tobin literally begged her mother to buy them promising that she would never wear them to school.

Cindy hated anything that looked too masculine on Tobin and always insisted that she wear only skirts, dresses and business like attire that she deemed appropriate enough for her daughter. So when Tobin was thinking of what she would pack to wear for the party her mind immediately went to the forbidden attire. She paired them up with a loose fitting long sleeve red knit top.

The California nights had proven to be a big adjustment for Tobin when she moved from south Texas. Texas only had one temperature....HOT. So when Tobin realized that California nights were as cold as the cold fronts that were the extent of a Texas winter, she told her mom she was going to have to be a little more lenient on her attire so that she could protect her sensitive Texas skin against the cold. Hence, a plain, knitted shirt that she was showcasing now. Tobin pulled her hair loose from her sloppy ponytail and brushed the tangles out. The last thing she did was put on Chap Stick and roll up her sleeves before walking out the door to the top of the stairs where Alex sat waiting.

“Wow...red is really your color.” Alex blurted out and Tobin thought she saw a look of panic cross Alex’s face before it disappeared behind a mask of confidence but just barely.

“I thought I was pretty in pink.” Tobin responded placing her hands flat under her chin and smiling big. Tobin wanted to get Alex back to a relaxed state so that she wouldn’t try to down play the compliment she just gave her. Tobin wondered why Alex would get flustered at all around her. She saw Alex as someone that should have a great deal of confidence. She was gorgeous, talented and funny. Tobin could only imagine how many guys were after her at school.

“You’re a dork that’s for sure.” Alex said laughing out loud at Tobin’s face. Just then Pinoe turned on the light that illuminated the stairs.

“WTF are you two giggling in the dark about, weirdoes. The party’s down stairs. Don’t make me send you home early.”

“Shut up Pinoe, you fucking scared me! Where’s your drink? Don’t make ME send YOU home early.” Alex said waggling her eyebrows.

“This is my home numb nuts so that won’t work.” “I can still lock you in your room.”

“I know who I can lock in my room and it’s not me.” Pinoe says with a huge grin looking back and forth between Alex and Tobin.

(Tobin’s brain notes: What is the deal with these girls? What are they playing at?)

“Whatever Pin, don’t be a STU!” Alex yells out the last word making sure her voice carries downstairs to the rest of the party.

“STU! STUUUU!” Tobin hears the rest of the girls chanting downstairs.

They make their way down stairs and Lauren asks, “Who’s being a STU?”

“Pinoe, who else? She’s always the first one to start acting like one.”

“In all fairness, I think Kelley started being a STU tonight before Pinoe ever did.” Abby says matter of factly.

“Oh yea, she’s right.” Kristie says looking up from the animated conversation she was having with Syd.

“Ok, someone is gonna have to fill me in. What the hell is a STU?” Tobin says looking around at all the girls to see who is going to open their mouth first.

“STU is short for STUpid Bitch or STU bitch which is how we like to say it. Clearly, Kelley's already tipsy and spouting BS so that constitutes as STU behavior. Pinoe is lucky that Kelley can’t hold her liquor.” Alex explains.

“Why is she lucky?”  
The girls that are paying attention to the conversation all seem to smile mischievously.  
“Oh, she’s just the person we have chosen to embarrass one way or another by the end of the night. That’s the rule.” Alex says before taking a seat on the couch.

“Sit Toby, or go get a drink or you can just stand there but I think you might get bored.”

Tobin walks over to the couch hesitantly. Here it comes. The part where she has to explain that she doesn’t drink and has never had a drink and doesn’t plan on starting anytime soon.

Tobin would be turning 14 in a few months and she knew that she would be in this situation sooner or later but she knew how to handle peer pressure. She figured that this is why her mother never let her go to parties but Tobin knew right from wrong.

“I don’t drink Lex.” Tobin avoided Alex’s eyes feeling a wave of embarrassment hit her.

“Hey its ok Toby. You don’t have to drink. Just offering.”  
(Tobin’s brain notes: huh...That’s it? That’s all it took? That was easy.)

“I won’t drink tonight either. We can be sober together and watch all these dorks turn into STUs.”

The two laughed together and Tobin felt so comfortable and secure under Alex’s gaze. She didn’t feel judged or calculated as she constantly felt under her own roof. Tobin lived her life to please and she felt she could never escape that feeling...and now it seemed so simple to just let go and be herself.

The party went on and the more the girls drank the more they really did start acting like STUs. They kept the music at a moderate volume to avoid any drama and they moved the party out to the patio next to the pool.

Tobin started to notice that the couples were growing more and more brazen with their PDA. She had never witnessed behavior like this and she couldn’t help staring. Whenever she felt herself gawking too much she turned away. She didn’t want to let on how sheltered she was.

Hope and Kelley started the make out party and soon Kristie and Syd were locking lips as well.

“Oh here we go...these fucking STUs are gonna start playing tonsil hockey. Come one Tobs, lets go inside and leave these disgusting bitches alone to attack each other.”

Tobin laughed and followed Alex inside. Lauren, Abby, Ali, Ashlyn, Carli, Christie and Pinoe followed close behind.

“Ok, now that the couples are preoccupied lets start a party of our own.” Pinoe said as she picked up a bottle of Bacardi limon.

“Oh fuck, I can’t drink that shit. Bacardi and I didn’t get along last time.” Abby said with a disgusted expression on her face.

“Don’t be a STU Abs. Come on, we’ll only go one round.” Pinoe reasoned.

“I’m out guys...I have to be up early to help my mom with my little brother.” Christie said getting up and waving.

“Big surprise! You’re leaving when the hard stuff comes out.” Pinoe says laughing. Christie just shrugs and waves again before making her way to the front door.  
“Ok, one down, anyone else want to puss out?”  
Alex raises her hand with a big smile on her face.

 Alex raises her hand with a big smile on her face.

“Toby and I will sit this out because we are not drinking. We will play referees for whatever games you guys decide to play.”

Pinoe laughs and looks at Alex as if she just made the best joke of the night. “I’m serious Pinoe. I’m not joking. We are not drinking.”

“You drink everyone under the table Alex, what am I gonna do without you playing anchor on all of these games?”

“You’re just gonna have to find someone else to get incredibly drunk. Good luck cuz no one here can hold their liquor like I can. I’ll be back. Bathroom.”

Alex runs to the bathroom and Ashlyn slides in her place. She leans into Tobin a little so that no one else can hear what she’s saying.

“How did you get her to do it? She always drinks dude. Always.”  
“I didn’t get her to do anything. I just told her I don’t drink so she told me she wouldn’t either.”

“Ahh I see.” Ashlyn says smiling and showing her dimple. Her eyes sparkle and Tobin feels exposed under her gaze. She doesn’t feel uncomfortable because she feels judged, she feels uncomfortable because all of this was such a mystery to her. She knew something was going on that everyone knew about but her and it made her nervous.

“What?”

“Nothing dude. No worries.”

“No really, I feel like you guys know something I don’t know or something. Wanna fill me in?”

Ashlyn bit her lip pensively as if trying to figure out if she was going to cross a line.

“Nah really everything is cool dude. You’re cool. I didn’t think you would come to the party. I’m glad you did. So your mom really never lets you go to parties?”

“Nope. She let me go to a sweet 16 once with my boyfriend Danny but that’s about it.”

“Ohhh, you have a boyfriend?” Ashlyn asked looking confused. She involuntarily spoke louder than she meant to and the rest of the girls heard the question. Tobin immediately felt like a spotlight was on her.

“Uh, yea. We’ve been together for a few months already. He’s my neighbor.”

“Oh, ok. That’s cool dude.” Ashlyn says trying to play it off.

Alex walked into the room and all of them got really quiet.

“What’d I miss?” Alex says looking around at her friends’ faces as she sat back down next to Tobin.

“Nothing just talking about Tobin’s boyfriend.” Pinoe said staring at Alex’s face so she could gauge her reaction.

“Oh you have a boyfriend Tobs? You never told me you sly dog!” Alex says laughing good- naturedly.

“You should show me a pic of him I bet he’s hot huh?”

“I don’t have a pic with me but yea he is kinda good looking.”

“He better be cuz I’m sure you can have any one you want.”

“Me? Yea right have you looked in the mirror? I’m surprised you don’ t have 10 guys drooling over you right now.” Tobin says with a new found confidence. If Alex was paying her a compliment, she felt like she could do the same without giving herself away. ‘Just let Alex make the first move,’ she thought.

“Oh, I have some admirers but my limit is 5 so, yea. Ha joking, joking. I just haven’t really found a guy that I like enough to give up my freedom. Hey Pinoe, count me in. I feel like having a drink after all.” Alex said, her voice raspy and breathless flowing from one subject to another.

Lauren’s face was laced with concern.

“Hey Alex let’s go make ourselves a drink first before we start slamming shots.”

“Ok L, I’m down.” Alex says almost too chirpy.

The two girls got up and went into the kitchen.

“Now where are the glasses.”

Alex said as soon as they entered the kitchen. She began to look through cabinets absentmindedly. Anything to distract herself.

“Al, stop. Come here.”

“Hold on Lauren, I’m trying to find the glasses.”

“We can find them in a second, just come here.”

“Hold your horses L, just let me find a glass first. I need this drink.”

“Don’t Alex, stop shutting down on me. This is me...its not gonna work.” Alex’s shoulders slumped but she still remained with her back to Lauren.

“Come here, love. Talk to me.”

“Alex, turn around and talk to me.”

Alex slowly turned on the spot and faced Lauren but her gaze was set on the floor. Lauren walked over to her and engulfed her in a hug. They stayed that way for a few seconds and Lauren was rubbing circles on Alex’s back.

“Of course she would have a boyfriend. Look at her? I bet she’s never single.” Alex whispered in Lauren’s ear.

Lauren pulled away to look at the wounded expression on Alex’s face.

“What are you feeling Alex. I know you don’t like to talk about how you feel but do it right now for me.”

“I don’t know what to say. I’m so confused Lauren. I actually felt...crushed...crushed when Pinoe said that Tobin has a boyfriend. Why do I feel this way?”

“You really like her sweetie. You really do.” Lauren said without a hint of question.

“I-I...fuck...I can’t believe this Lauren. How am I supposed to face her knowing I have feelings for her that she can never return?”

“You don’t know she will never return those feelings babe. Nothing is certain. I see how you two are together. You can’t deny the chemistry.”

“Oh like Ali and Ashlyn? And those two still haven’t admitted it to themselves or each other! Fucking hopeless! I don’t know if I can do that Lauren. Live some kind of lie because I have feelings for my friend. My straight friend. Fuck this is a disaster.”

“Hey Hey, its gonna be ok. You two will continue to be friends because that’s very important and you will get through this.”

“Fuck I’m so stupid! How did I let this happen?! I barely know her!”

“You can’t possibly control what your heart feels Alex. Stop beating yourself up. And I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to drink tonight. Just go out there and be the amazing person you are. Show her that you have something her boyfriend definitely doesn’t have.”

Alex didn’t drink that night and she didn’t let on how she felt either but she did pull away from Tobin. She stopped the lingering touches and playful flirting. This was the beginning and she wanted to build a strong friendship with her. Alex decided she would take it a day at a time.


	4. You're Grounded

Tobin sensed a complete change in the mood as soon as Alex and Lauren returned from “getting a drink” although they didn’t have a drink in their hands. Alex seemed distant but remained friendly. She also noticed that Alex had put a few more inches of space between them on the couch. Their thighs were no longer touching. Tobin began to have a sinking feeling in her chest and it was becoming difficult to breathe. The girls continued on with their drinking games and Tobin sat there in her own world. Everything around her was a blur and the sound of laughter was muffled as she wracked her brain for something, anything she might have done or said to make Alex act this way. Then she suddenly stood up.

“I..I’m gonna get some air.” Tobin mumbled as she quickly made her way outside to the patio. She briefly heard Ashlyn yell something that sounded like a warning but she was so caught up in her thoughts she missed it.

“Baby...please, just..touch me. I want to feel you. Stop teasing me.”

Tobin heard a small voice floating up from the pool. She realized too late what was going on and before she could figure out what her next move was, Alex was outside pushing her and leading her around the side of the house to the front porch.

“Fuck, Lex I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot. I feel so fucking lost when I’m around you guys! I swear I’ve never met anyone like you...or any of the girls....I just...”

“Hey, hey its ok Tobin. I get it. And its ok. They didn’t even notice us anyway and they usually don’t. A train could drive right through the house and they still wouldn’t notice anything but each other. Fucking horn dogs.” Alex laughed but Tobin saw that there was no life or sparkle in her eyes. Tobin was concerned and she felt a dull ache in her chest thinking that she may be the cause of the absence of that sparkle.

“Lex, are you ok?” She asked trying to make eye contact with Alex.

“Yea Tobito, I’m fine! I’m always fine.”

“Tobito, huh...that’s a new one.”

“Well yea you know, I’m the master of nick names.” Alex shrugs her shoulders.

“Hey, seriously, what’s wrong Alex. You can tell me anything. I’ll always be here for you...I think you’re amazing...uh an amazing friend.”

“Uh yea...really I’m fine Tobin. You’re an amazing friend too.” Alex felt her heart sink even more at the word ‘friend.’

“So tell me about yourself. We really haven’t been able to talk about anything but soccer.”

The two teenagers stayed on the porch almost all night talking about their dreams and goals for the future. Alex was focusing on not flirting but she felt that their conversation was so personal that she might as well have been flirting the whole time anyway. She started to form an even deeper connection with Tobin.

Tobin just sat and was grateful that she got to have Alex all to herself. She felt like Alex opened up to her and that was pretty impressive since Alex never talked about her feelings.

 

 

 

Tobin just could not understand why she couldn’t get enough of Alex. No matter what it was. Her attention, her laughter, her acknowledgment. She had never felt this way about anyone. More time passed and the two teenagers just grew closer and closer. They became inseparable on and off the field. Alex still tried her best to keep her distance but Tobin wasn’t having it. She began to initiate any kind of body contact with Alex. She ached for Alex’s touch and attention and she felt stupid. I mean, who really craves the touch of a friend?

“I’m not going to be able to go on this soccer trip with you guys, honey.”  
Cindy said one day when Tobin was sitting at the dinner table rolling her pees from one side of the plate to the other.

Tobin was thinking about something funny Alex had told her the day before and she was daydreaming about her smile and eyes with a whimsical smile on her face and a far off look in her eyes.

“TTTOOOBBBIIINN! Hey, snap out of it. Where are you lately? You seem really unfocused!” “Oh, sorry mom just thinking about school.”  
“Tobin, school doesn’t start for another month.”  
“I know ma, but I was already thinking of us going school shopping again.”

“Uhhh ok, well did you hear what I said about not being able to go to the tournament with you girls?”

“Oh..OH! No I didn’t hear you...really? Why?” Tobin said trying to sound sufficiently disappointed.

“I’m sorry sweetie, I just can’t take that much time off work. I really wish I could go, though.” “I know mom, its ok. I know you’ll make the next one.”  
“Did someone just knock?” Cindy asked confused.  
Tobin looked at her mother just as confused. Who could be at the door?

They both got up and went to look through the window. Danny stood outside pacing back and forth on the porch.

“Did he tell you he was coming over? Actually, why hasn’t he been over in a while? Are you two fighting?”

“No ma, come on. Scoot over so I can let him in.” Tobin said with a nervous laugh.  
As Tobin opened the door a thought sunk its teeth into Cindy’s brain quickly and viciously.

(Cindy’s brain notes: She barely eats at dinner. She’s always daydreaming. And we haven’t talked about what’s going on with Danny in almost 3 months....is she having sex with him? Oh my god...my daughter is having sex at 14! Oh my god...oh my god...)

“Hi Cindy! How have you been ma’am?”

“Hello Danny, I’ve been fine thanks for asking.” Cindy replied with a throat that had suddenly gone bone dry. She stared at Danny and wondered how she was going to keep her husband from snapping his little neck. And then a bolt of white hot anger hit her in the stomach causing a strong

 

 

 

wave of nausea to crash over her.

“Mom? Are you ok? You look kind of sick.” Tobin asked concerned. Tobin hated when her mother was sick. She felt helpless and panicky. Colds and body aches were one thing but Cindy had once contracted a stomach virus and nothing would stay down. Tobin was terrified and lost countless nights of sleep. That memory crept into her brain right now when she saw the ashen state of her mother’s skin.

“Yes, Tobin I’m fine. I’ll be sitting right here in the dining room.” Cindy wanted nothing more than to make Danny go away and interrogate her daughter but her feet were heavy and numb and she felt a light coat of cold sweat start to appear on her skin.

“Uh, ok mom.” Tobin said but concern still weighed down on her and her mom always gave her and Danny more privacy. The dining room and living room were right next to each other and if you sat at the dining room table you could see straight into the living room. Tobin shrugged the thought off and went to sit on the couch with her visitor.

“Hey I’ve really missed you Tobin.” Danny said sincerely as he embraced her. “Sorry D, I’ve been really busy with soccer.”

“Oh yea? How is that going? You have to like it if it’s taking up all your free time. You’re never home any more.”

“Yea well we always practice during the week and on the weekends I usually hang out with my team mates at our headquarters.” Tobin said picking her hands up forming quotations with her fingers.

“How come you never invite me to go with you? I haven’t seen you in like two months!” Danny’s voice started to take on a whiny quality that didn’t sit well with Tobin. She had heard it many times before from other guys but never from Danny. With other guys she not only lost interest quickly but she rarely had time to dedicate to them and now Danny knew how that felt too. Danny lived right next door so they had never had that problem but now soccer, and if Tobin was really being honest with herself, ALEX had taken up any and all of the extra time she had always dedicated to her boyfriend. Soccer was satisfying her sports addiction and Alex was occupying her mind and heart and Tobin hadn’t even realized she had been neglecting her boyfriend until now. She hadn’t thought once about him since she joined the soccer team and that shocked her to her core.

(Tobin’s brain notes: What the hell is going on with me?)

“Well, it’s kind of like...no boyfriends allowed type thing. Only the team hangs out. And why are you getting upset? I’m sorry, really. Don’t be upset.”

Danny felt stupid and used. He was 3 years older than Tobin and he was being used and made to look stupid by a little girl. ‘She’s fucking cheating on me. I don’t believe it.’

“I’m not here to play games Tobin. If you don’t want to be with me just say so. If you’ve found someone else just tell me.”

“Wha..? Wait where is all this coming from?”

“Look you’re young and maybe you don’t understand yet but you aren’t my first girlfriend and I know when someone is giving me the cold shoulder.”

“I-I really don’t know what you’re talking about Danny. I really only have been busy with soccer I’m not trying to purposely neglect you.”

 

 

 

“Really? Well if it walks, talks, acts and smells like a duck then it’s a duck Tobin!” Tobin lets out a little breathy laugh. “And wtf is that supposed to mean Danny?” “Since when do you use the “F” word?”

“Danny please stop acting as if I’ve never used a curse word in my life. I may be just a little girl to you but I’m not as innocent as you think so stop treating me like a child that you are baby sitting instead of your girlfriend that you dream about fucking.”

Danny’s eyes grew wide with shock and panic. He had never heard Tobin talk like this and the thought of him penetrating her entered his mind unwelcomed and strong. He closed his eyes trying to get the thought out of his head.

“Holy shit, you’re thinking about it now.” Tobin said, amusement lacing her voice. “Shutup Tobin. It’s hard not to think about something when you just said it.” “Danny, don’t fucking tell me to shut up.”  
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that I just want the truth Tobin.”

“I’ve already told you the truth so I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“Are you having sex with another guy Tobin?”

Tobin let out a big guffaw shaking her head.

“I get busy with soccer and I can’t hang out with you and all of a sudden that has to mean that I’m boning some other dude.”

Danny’s stomach twisted uncomfortably at the thought and Tobin’s very uncharacteristic word choice.

“God, I swear you have never talked like this before. Look Tobin, I think I might have misjudged you. You really aren’t who I thought you were.”

“Oh...ok, well maybe it was because I didn’t know who I was with you and now that I do, you don’t like it. I’m sorry I can’t be who you want me to be. I can only be myself. And let me remind you Danny, you may be older than me but you aren’t my first boy friend either. If you wanted to be with me to be my big brother you should’ve just let me know. I have a brother already. I’m not interested in adopting another one.”

“Yea, I can see that now. Well, I hope he treats you right, who ever he is.” Danny gets up abruptly from the couch and starts making his way to the door.

“Uh, what? Did you just break up with me? What’s pissing you off more Danny? That I’m not the little innocent girl you thought I was or that some other guy might be tapping what you’ve been fantasizing about for months? And if you were fantasizing about boning this little girl let me save you the suspense...I’m a virgin Danny and I didn’t have plans on changing that until my wedding night. So, you were never going to get in my pants anyway. You can sleep soundly now.”

With that she opened the door and shoved him outside slamming it closed behind him. She whirled around angrily balling up her fists and ran right into Cindy.

 

 

 

“What the...”

“Were you having sex with him?” Cindy asked quickly and Tobin saw right away that her mother was very uncomfortable discussing this with her.

“Not now mother.”  
“No, right now Tobin. Answer my question.”  
Tobin laughed not believing this was really happening.

“I can’t believe this! First this idiot and now you are asking me the same crap. Since when did I turn into a slut? Someone let me know cuz I’m lost. This is unbelievable!” Tobin tried to walk to her room but Cindy stood in her way.

“You are being very disrespectful right now Tobin and I won’t stand for it. Answer my question and I won’t ever bring it up again.”

“You mean to say you won’t ever bring it up again if I say I’m not having sex. If I say I am having sex I’m sure you and I are gonna have a pretty interesting conversation mother.” Tobin blew past her mother in an attempt to go to her room.

“Tobin Powell Heath stop right there! What has gotten into you!”  
“Well according to you, a guy....” Tobin spit out before she could stop herself.

“That is it, you are grounded! You can go to soccer practice but you are not going to the sleep over this weekend! Keep it up and you won’t be going to the tournament either.”

“What?! You can’t do that!”

“Sure I can. I just did. Watch your step before you lose the trip too.” Cindy said with finality as she made her way upstairs to her bedroom.

**************************************************

At practice the next day, Tobin couldn’t focus. Her play was sloppy and she was out of sync with Alex.

“Hey kid what’s going on? Is everything ok?” Alex asked during one of their breaks. “Yea my mom is just being a pain in my ass.”

“Oh really?” Alex looked up into the stands to where the parents were sitting and Cindy seemed like she was on top of the world. Big smile, laughing and carrying on with the other parents.

“She doesn’t look like anything is bothering her. It must not be that bad.” Alex said as she turned away from the bleachers.

Tobin let out a small choked laugh.

“That’s a show she’s putting on. Gotta keep up appearances. She’s probably screaming inside right now or she’s probably sick to her stomach. I know she looked like it yesterday.”

“What the...wtf is going on Toby?”  
Tobin laughed again but this time there was real amusement in her voice and smile.

 

 

 

“She thinks I’m fucking Danny. Or was.” Tobin continued to laugh and before she knew it she was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks.

Alex didn’t know whether to laugh along with her or be concerned although Tobin’s laughing was infectious.

“Hey, hey Tobin. Why is that so funny?” Alex asked, lightly grabbing Tobin’s elbow with her fingertips to get her attention.

The touch yanked Tobin out of her hysterical laughing episode and put her back into focus.

“I uh...because Lex, I’m a virgin. I’m not gonna give it up to some guy just cuz we're dating. I want to wait just like I should. Fuck I am pretty young you know.” Tobin said as if shocked that she even had to explain herself.

“No, I mean you just seem surprised that she’s concerned. Mother’s are always concerned about that stuff. Its kinda their job.”

“No...no Lex, that’s the problem. I have good morals. I know right from wrong. She should know that already but she doesn’t treat me like I deserve her trust or respect. Trusting me enough to stay nights with you guys is one thing and that’s not even a big deal. Trusting me to do the right thing when it comes to having sex, that’s a huge deal and she would’ve never asked me if she respected me. She would already know the answer.”

“Ok, ok Toby I get it. Just calm down. I know you’re upset but this will blow over. We have the tournament this next week and that will give you some time to get your mind off things. They make the parents sleep in their own rooms at the hotel so you won’t have to deal with her all the time.”

“She’s not going Lex. She has to work. She told me yesterday before the other idiot came over and broke up with me.” Tobin said giggling a little.

“Huh....did you just say he broke up with you? Is he fucking stupid or what? I mean what happened?”

“Dam Lex it sounds like he broke up with YOU. You seem to care more about it than I do.” Tobin said laughing hard again.

“NO...uh, no I just think he’s stupid for breaking up with you. I’m shocked. Why did he do it?”

“He thought I was screwing some other dude! Dam I swear they're winners huh? My ex and my mom. I guess I’m a fucking slut now!” Tobin started to laugh again and Alex couldn’t help laughing with her this time.

“Well....I al...ways knew you....were a whore...from the ....get go!!!” Alex managed to get out through the laughter that was reverberating in her throat. Alex was laughing because it really was funny. Alex was laughing because she was unbelievably happy. Alex was laughing because she would have Tobin to herself for a week in San Francisco playing the game they loved.


	5. Technicolor

“What’re you listening to? Can I see?” Alex picks up the iPod from Tobin’s lap before she can answer and replaces it with her head, lying on her back facing Tobin. Tobin’s body immediately tenses as she looks down at the most beautiful girl she has ever seen in her life. A girl so beautiful that she finds she just can’t get used to it no matter how many times she sees her.

Ever since they began their road trip to San Francisco in two 15-passenger vans, Alex has been hanging all over Tobin. Apparently, whatever boundaries that were there before have been eliminated and everything is fair game. Just when Tobin thought she had a handle on her emotions, Alex flips a switch. Alex hair is lose and it’s draped over Tobin’s lap and some is hanging down toward the floor of the van.

Alex busies herself looking through the iPod. Tobin sees that Alex hair is so long that it might start to brush across the floor of the van so she instinctively reaches down to pull up the luscious locks. When she’s able to tuck them up so that they won’t fall again, she can’t help what happens next. She begins to massage Alex’s head with her fingertips and she gently runs her fingers through her hair. Alex closes her eyes in pleasure and places the iPod on her chest clearly not able to pay attention to it anymore.

“Mmmm Tobin, that feels so good. You’re hired.”

“uhh excuse me? I will not be employed to be anyone’s slave.”

“Then you’ll do it for free?!” Alex says, her eyes flying open with excitement.

“If you weren’t the best player on our team I would throw you out the window.”

Alex laughs and rolls her eyes.

“Please don’t stop Tobin. I have a head ache and it felt so good.”

“Ok but you owe me.” Tobin says trying to sound annoyed but wanting nothing more than to put her hands in Alex’s beautiful hair again.

“MMMm thanks Toby. So...what’s the deal with that cap you’re wearing? Its cute.”

“Mmm? Oh, yea I almost forgot I was even wearing it. It’s my softball cap. Its good luck. I always wore it before tournaments and during games if it went with the uniform. My mom would kill me if she knew I was wearing it thought. She hates for me to look like a tom boy.”

Alex slowly opens her eyes to see a troubled look cross Tobin’s beautiful features. Alex feels a pang in her chest.

“You mean, she doesn’t let you wear what you want?” Alex asks in the softest tone she can muster.

Tobin laughs a little trying to cover the uneasy feeling she’s getting at the thought of discussing her mother’s views with Alex. Cindy’s old fashioned, prejudiced, ignorant, borderline hateful views.

Alex loves her friends. Alex’s friends were more like sisters than they were teammates and Tobin’s stomach is twisting as she remembers her mother’s comments after the first practice she attended.

 

 

 

***********************************************

“Alex is a really good player honey, you should learn as much as you can from her. She’s a sweet heart.”

“Yea, she is pretty awesome. She’s already taught me a lot.”

“That’s good...so what’s the deal with the rest of the team?”

“Oh my God mom they are so funny and they’re almost like a family cuz they’ve been playing together for so long. Did you know they’ve been playing together for over five years already?”

“No Tobin, I meant the girls that were holding hands and hugging. What’s the deal with that?”

(Tobin’s brain notes: Wow, I feel more uncomfortable discussing this with my mom than I do discussing sex...weird.)

“Oh them, Alex told me they’re together.”

“Like together...like relationships? Like they’re queers?”

“Mom, please don’t use that word.”

“Well sorry Tobin, LESBIANS.”

“Yes mom, they are girlfriends. They are really sweet.”

“Sweet? Like how?”

(Tobin’s brain notes: Fuck Tobin don’t fuck it up. You already opened the door.)

“Nothing, not like that I meant that they’ve been friends for so long that them getting together is kinda sweet.”

“Well I hope none of them think they can try their tricks on you. Just watch out. It’s ok in my book as long as they don’t try to pull one over on my little girl. Did you see that blonde one? Her shorts were sooo long. She had NO makeup on! Ugh! I’d hate to see what she wears at school. Ugh and then you wonder why I don’t let you wear those long basketball shorts. It looks disgusting Tobin.”

“Mom stop, its not like that. I like these girls. They welcomed me like no other team ever has.”

“Ok well, I just want to make sure I know what’s going on and you’re not being taken advantage of.”

************************************************  
“Tobin? Where did you go?” Alex asks concerned about the look on the tanned face of her friend.

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t feel comfortable talking to me.” Alex’s voice is a little sad at the thought that Tobin doesn’t feel comfortable enough to discuss something with her. Tobin picks up on it quick.

“Its not that Lex. I would tell you anything you want to know about me but that topic is gonna have to wait for a time when we’re alone. Is that ok?”

 

 

 

The clouds over Alex features clear and she smiles sweetly up at Tobin. “Ok, Toby. You got a deal but only if you let me wear the cap.”

“Wha?! No one has ever worn this cap but me...that’s why it’s lucky. Its MY lucky cap!” Tobin explains with shock.

“Oh come on Tobs, I won’t get it dirty and I’m special too. It won’t lose its luck.” “Leave that for me to decide.”

Alex pushes Tobin’s cheek lightly and laughs. “You said you would decide if I was special enough to be your friend and now that we are friends you have to decide if I’m special enough to wear your little red cap?”

“Exactly.”

Alex pouts and sits up crossing her arms. She scoots all the way to the other side of the seat the two are sharing at the back of the van. Alex has her back turned to Tobin and it takes Tobin a while to figure out if she’s really hurt her feelings. Of course Tobin knows they joke around all the time. Some of the team is even border line cruel when it comes to some digs but Tobin always feels like she wants to please Alex in any way and no matter how silly and mundane the topic may be, she finds herself over thinking things when it comes to Alex.

Before Tobin can even think of what she’s doing, she reaches over wrapping her arms around Alex’s waist from behind pulling her all the way back to her side of the seat so that Alex is practically sitting on her lap. Alex’s breath catches in her throat and her heart is in her stomach. Waves of excitement and warmth are hitting her in droves at the overload of body contact.

Tobin has never had a drink in her life so she has no clue how it feels to be drunk but she knows that the way she’s feeling now with Alex in her arms is the closest comparison.

In that moment with her arms around Alex, everything just clicks. Tobin realizes what Alex realized the second she found out that Tobin had a boyfriend. She likes Alex and its not just a little admiration no...this is real. This is as real as the quickening of Tobin’s heart against Alex’s back. This is strong and she feels more than she’s ever felt for any guy she’s ever dated because she feels like she’s not lost anymore. Tobin feels like the world she’s been walking around in was Kansas all along and now that she’s wandered into Oz everything has suddenly gone into technicolor and she can finally see clearly. She’s a lesbian and she’s holding the girl of her dreams.

(Tobin’s brain notes: I’m a lesbian...holy shit! I have to be. No straight girl would be feeling this way.)

The emotions are almost too much for the pair. They are both smiling but their bodies are betraying them. They are a ball of goose bumps and butterflies and giddiness to the point of near nausea. Tobin feels her teeth start to chatter and she knows she won’t be able to control that because that is the one side effect she has discovered she cannot control no matter what she does. Alex feels a tingle start from her tailbone all the way up her spine and she shivers uncontrollably.

“Uhh, I guess you’re special enough.” Tobin says with a shaky voice as she takes the cap from its backward position on her head and puts it forward on Alex’s.

“Are you cold Tobin? I think I have a blanket we can share.”

“Uhh I don’t know, my teeth are chattering aren’t they!” Tobin laughs nervously and she feels her palms starting to sweat. A wave of goose bumps hits her and the AC in the van provides a

 

 

 

sensation cool enough to make her shiver even harder.

“Hey you’re shivering too. Are you ok?” Alex says still not able to see any expression on Tobin’s face since they are still locked in their embrace.

“I’m not the only one that’s shivering.” Tobin says with a laugh. “Yea you’re right...we can share it.”

Tobin lets Alex go reluctantly and immediately feels a cold weight drop on her chest at the loss of contact.

“Wow...”  
“Huh? Did you say something?” Alex asks quirking an eyebrow.  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Ok Tobin, keep the fucking commentary to a minimum.)

“Nope, no didn’t say anything just freezing and waiting for someone to hook it up with a blanket.” Tobin manages to say through chattering teeth. She feels embarrassed and excited. Exhilarated and scared. Warm and uneasy. Tobin is walking on uncharted territory with no one as her guide. She doesn’t know where to go from here but at least she knows where she belongs now and she belongs with Alex.

*********************************************

“Syd, just ask Tobin if its cool to switch. I’m sure she won’t mind. Alex tried to act like she doesn’t care but I know she wants to share a room with Tobin.” Kristie tells Syd on the hotel phone when they got situated in their rooms.

“Maybe if you weren’t so loud when you’re having an orgasm, coach wouldn’t have to separate us. I mean, he knows we’re gonna do it anyway but it would help if he didn’t have to hear it baby.” Syd tells her laughing and biting her lip.

“I’m sorry...I can’t help it if you make my toes curl...” Kristie replies pushing the phone closer to her mouth and trying to talk low so that Alex, who just walked in, doesn’t hear her. But Alex hears everything.

“You two are fucking gross...just switch already as long as it’s ok with Toby, its ok with me. And would you gag her before you guys start!” Alex yells so that Syd can hear her through the phone.

Both girls are laughing now and Kristie hangs up.  
“I’m going over there to help Tobin with her things, you wanna come?” “Let’s go Mewie.” Alex says rolling her eyes.

She’s been trying to act indifferent to the whole idea of switching rooms but she’s really so excited that she can barely hold it together. She wants to be as close to Tobin as she can as much as she can. She was starting to feel like she couldn’t get enough of Tobin’s honey brown eyes and her lips....every time Alex thought of Tobin’s lips she felt light headed. They were full and beautiful and she imagined biting, sucking and tasting them. It was starting to drive her insane. But Tobin’s smile was unbelievable. Bright and perfect. Tobin’s smile was knee weakening.

“Hey love, miss me?” Kristie asked Syd as they entered the room.

 

 

 

“I always miss you baby.” Syd replied walking over to Kristie and kissing her on the cheek. “Uhhh here we go!”

“Don’t be jealous Alex, you’ll know how this feels one day...I’m predicting, hmmmm, sooner than later.” Syd said smiling and showing her dimples.

Tobin walked out of the restroom and saw the three of them standing next to her bed. The sight of Alex, in boxers, an old heather gray t-shirt and a messy bun took Tobin’s breath away.

(Tobin’s brain notes: She. Is. So. Damn. Beautiful.)

Both Tobin and Alex had been silently taking in the other’s presence for so long that Kristie and Syd had to interrupt their little wordless exchange.

Syd clears her throat loudly before speaking. “Hey you two might want to get over to your room before me and Kris get it on right here in front of you.”

Tobin and Alex both snap out of it and laugh grabbing Tobin’s things and running out of the room.

“Well that was one way to get rid of us!” Alex said as they entered the room. “Hey my cap! I thought you were gonna hold it for ransom Lex.”

“I haven’t out ruled that idea yet. I’m trying to figure out what I want most out of you and then I’ll use it against you.” Alex smiled sweetly as she lay on her bed to face Tobin.

Tobin gulped and clumsily sat on the edge of her bed. “Well I’m not sure what you have up your sleeve but with that smirk you’re giving me it seems like its something that might get us in trouble.”

“What? Never! I’m a perfect angel!”

The two laughed and talked about their families and school and what sports they’ve played. Before they knew it, it was nearing 2 in the morning and they decided they needed to try to get some sleep although they secretly knew that it would be a sleepless night.

“Hey Toby, have you ever kissed a girl?”  
Silence....  
“Tobin? Are you asleep?”  
“No, sorry Lex I had my headphones on. Did you say something?” “I just asked if you’ve ever kissed a girl.”

“Oh....no Lex. I haven’t. You?” Tobin bit her lip hoping Alex would say no but then she thought against it. If Alex said no then Tobin knew she was straight for sure and she had no chance. If Alex said yes...well that meant she might have a chance but she wouldn’t be Alex’s first kiss.

(Tobin’s brain notes: Who cares, at this point I’m hoping for anything.)

“No Toby, I’ve never kissed a girl. But...never mind. Good night Tobin. I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

 

 

“Uhh, wait. You know you can talk to me right Lex? If you have to say something just say it.”

“Yea, I feel like I can tell you anything but its too complicated and I'm pretty tired. Later ok? Don’t worry.”

“Ok....well, goodnight Lex.” Sigh...."Goodnight Tobs."


	6. The Monumental Event

“The sun is rising. The glow of what’s soon to come is beginning to softly illuminate the sky. It’s not a maybe, but a promise of another day on earth. Another day that will feel the warmth of its rays. But promises can easily be broken. Everything that we know to be sure of in life, like the beauty of a mother’s love...doesn’t exist. Everything the human race knows to be true is a lie. All this time it’s been a lie....we have been living in the dark and the sun was just a click away from being shut down. Like the click of a lamp. Artificial light at its best. Luring us into a false sense of security and normalcy. What is normal? When you can tell me the definition, I’ll let you know if I fit the description. Normal...why does a word exist if there’s no real example of its definition? But the sun is still rising. It inches its way into existence...into reality. Because time waits for no one, and nothing...especially the most beautiful of things, lasts forever. Nothing is forever, except that pink tint of the sunrise on the ocean’s surface.”

“This is deep Tobin. You really believe that nothing lasts forever?” Alex asks looking through another entry in Tobin’s book of poetry.

Tobin shrugs. “Maybe, I just haven’t found any proof of it yet.”

“Oh, you’re looking for proof. Don’t you know what faith is? Did you ever think that maybe you haven’t found proof of something lasting forever because no one lives forever? How can there be proof if no one is around to testify in its defense?”

“In defense of what?” Tobin asks captivated by the words spilling from Alex’s mouth. Tobin stares at the side of Alex face as they lay side by side on one of the beds of their hotel room.

Alex smiles feeling the warmth of Tobin’s steady gaze knowing that she’s listening attentively to every word she’s saying.

“You’re gonna laugh at me. Its so corny.”

“I would never laugh about something you truly believe in, Alex.” There is a tone in Tobin’s voice that is so full of respect, admiration and conviction that Alex has to turn and face her. The urge to kiss is so strong between the two that they are both holding their breath. When Alex replies, she does so in a gentle almost lulling voice that’s paired with her trademark raspiness and its music to Tobin’s ears. Lyrics to her favorite song.

“In love’s defense, Tobin. I believe that true love lasts forever. I think true love has no barriers and it has no limits. Time is something humans created and true love is stronger than anything man made. True love is stronger than anything.”

“Do you write Alex? You should. That was beautiful.” Tobin is afraid that Alex can hear her heart beat because at this point, it’s pounding like a base drum against her ribcage.

“So.... do you know what love is? I know you believe in it, but have you ever felt it? Have you ever been in love?” Alex laughs a little at the question.

“What? It’s a legitimate question!” Tobin says a little embarrassed by Alex’s reaction.

“I know it is Toby but its funny to think that I could know what love is if I’m only 15.” Tobin shrugs her shoulders sheepishly.

 

 

 

“Well if you put it that way, of course it sounds stupid.” Tobin says thoroughly embarrassed and she stands up.

“Hey come back here! Sharing time is not over!” Alex says pulling the back of Tobin’s shirt tale to pull her back on the bed.

Tobin lets her body go limp and she falls back on the bed with a small bounce.

“Hey Toby, I don’t think your question is stupid. I might know what love is supposed to feel like....I don’t know. I have felt things that I’ve never felt before though, I can say that. Does that answer your question?” Alex is slow and careful with her word usage. She definitely doesn’t want to give herself away. Those feelings she’s speaking of have been new feelings that Tobin has provoked and she’s not ready to reveal that.

Tobin shrugs feeling more stupid and embarrassed by the minute.

“Hey, seriously....don’t feel that way. It’s not like that it’s just a hard question to answer. I swear it wasn’t stupid.” Alex says propping herself up on one elbow to face Tobin and grabbing Tobin’s hand to reassure her.

Tobin feels relief and warmth flood her chest immediately and she turns her head to look into Alex’s devastatingly beautiful eyes. They stay locked in a game of stare but the energy and intensity of this game is charged powerfully by the desire to get lost in a kiss and this is new for the girls. Kissing is definitely going to be the end result and neither Tobin nor Alex is going to be able to stop it this time.

“You’re hands...they are pretty big for a girl. Has anyone ever told you that?”  
Alex asks flicking her eyes down to their joined hands and looking back up quickly not wanting to break eye contact for too long.

Tobin swallows trying to lubricate her dry throat so she can answer but her throat clicks back in response unyielding and stubborn.

All Tobin can do is shake her head no. “Not even your ex?”

Tobin smiles at this because her ex barely paid attention to anything on her body that was as uninteresting as her hands. Tobin takes a few seconds to try and soothe her dry throat by clearing it and swallowing again.

“What?” Alex asks still holding Tobin’s hand palm to palm.

“Nothing, you asking if Danny noticed how big my hands were...as much as he held my hand I don’t think he ever noticed it. If you ask him about my lips, that’s different. We definitely made out a lot but other than that I don’t think he’d remember a detail so small.”

Alex stomach boils with jealousy and the sickness of the image of Tobin’s lips on someone else. “Right...did he...ever try to....”  
“He’s 17 Alex. Of course he tried to get into my pants on more than one occasion.”

“Did you ever feel like you just wanted to let it happen?” Alex feels like she might be sick but she has to know these answers to these hard questions because anything she doesn’t know will burrow its way inside her brain and will fester and become worse than what it really is if she doesn’t know the truth.

 

 

 

“Ok ladies, change of plan!” Coach Cano yells outside the door after he knocks a few times. He wants to make his presence known before they open the door just in case they aren’t decent and they have time to go to the bathroom or cover themselves.

Alex let’s go of Tobin’s hand and they both feel awkward because they feel like they were caught doing something when clearly nothing is going on...well at least nothing out in the open.

(Alex’s brain notes: Perfect timing coach. Fan fucking tastic timing)

“Can I come in?” Coach Cano asks still standing outside the door.  
“Sure coach! Why the hell not! Come right on in!” Alex yells in an announcer type voice as she opens the door

“Hey, ladies. Look an issue came up with the rooms and we have to change room assignments. Now I know you’ve already switched rooms so I’m not gonna make you switch again.”

Both Alex and Tobin are internally rejoicing at the news.

“Pinoe and HAO just joined us this morning and we thought we had booked enough rooms but it turns out that we have to double up in one room. Your room got picked out of a hat. Sorry girls.”

“What do you mean double up coach?” Tobin asks not sure if she should be disappointed or not.

“Well Ali and Ashlyn volunteered to share a room with you two so that means two in each bed....is that gonna be a problem? If it is just say the word and we can find some other arrangements.”

Both teenagers are stunned into silence before Alex speaks up quickly and rather loudly as if she doesn’t say it fast enough, the opportunity might slip through her fingers.

“NO...no its cool coach. That’s cool. I think we can deal with that right Tobin?” Alex looks over to a stunned Tobin whose eyes have glazed over with shock and borderline delirium.

(Tobin’s brain notes: Is this real life? I have to be dreaming...)

“Uhh, yea that’s cool coach.” Tobin is able to get out after a few seconds of putting words together in her head to form a sentence.

*********************************************

Two hours later, Ali and Ashlyn have settled in the room and the four of them are all lying on their backs on one bed. Ashlyn Ali Alex and Tobin.

Ashlyn gets up after a few seconds of silence and lies across the three bodies of her friends on her stomach amid loud protests and giggles.

“Oh my God Ash you are so fucking heavy. Get off! I need to pee and you’re pressing down on my bladder!” Alex says thrashing around to try to get lose.

“Not gonna work Morgan. You always use the pee excuse during dog piles and it never happens.” Ashlyn’s reply is half muffled in the fabric of Tobin’s shirt.

Tobin starts to laugh at the vibration of Ashlyn’s voice on her stomach and soon she’s squirming too. Ali is laughing non-stop and trying to figure out the easiest way to get her best friend off the three of them.

 

 

 

Soon the three of them are all laughing and thrashing and Ali motions to the other two directing them at Ashlyn’s weakest tickle spot. Her sides. They all attack her and in a rapid, messy turn of events, Alex runs to the bathroom, Tobin falls on the floor and Ali is on top of Ashlyn pinning her arms down to keep her from moving. Tobin just lies on the floor laughing and trying to catch her breath before she realizes that Ali and Ashlyn are really quiet on the bed.

Tobin is curious to eye the spectacle but she freezes not wanting to ruin a moment that might be unfolding right above her.

The effort is futile when Alex burst through the bathroom door singing, “Because I'm bad, I'm bad, I'm really, really...oh shit...sorry guys.” Alex truly feels bad after seeing the position her two friends are in because she remembers how disappointed she felt when the coach interrupted her.

“What’re you talking about? Sorry for what?” Ali says a little defensively as she gets off of Ashlyn.

“Nothing, forget it.” Alex laughs a little under her breath. “Hey Toby you wanna go for a walk?” “I’ll go!” Ali says jumping off the bed. “I want a drink. Does anyone else want anything?”

Tobin sees confusion and pain in Ashlyn’s eyes and she knows that Ashlyn is suffering. Tobin was always good at comforting her friends and making them feel better with some good advice in any difficult situation. She wants to help Ashlyn.

“Yea Ali, you can get me a Gatorade.” She tells Ali smiling and handing her some money. Tobin looks over to Alex and just when she thinks she’s going to have to explain herself to her because being alone with Alex is something that she would love, Alex just smiles at her with genuine affection and just like that, Tobin knows there is no need for any kind of explanation.

(Tobin’s brain notes: She reads me. She knows why I want to stay.)  
Ashlyn doesn’t utter a single word until Alexandra squared shut the door behind them.

“Fuck Tobin...I’m in deep shit. I’m in love with a straight girl. You know how that feels? That’s like a sea animal falling in love with a land animal. Its torture and it hurts worse than anything I’ve ever felt in my life!” Tobin can see that tears are quickly forming in Ashlyn’s eyes. She runs over to the bed and sits down taking Ashlyn into a big reassuring hug.

“Just because she’s straight doesn’t mean she’s not in love with you too Ash.”

“You know how many times I’ve heard that? There’s one huge problem there Tobs! She has to make the first move if that’s what this is and she won’t! She’s straight and if I made a move and she didn’t want me like that...I would lose her for sure. Ali is more than just my best friend Tobin. She’s my family and now that I’m in love with her she has become my whole world. I can’t..no I won’t live without her. Just the thought of that is terrifying!”

“So you torture yourself Ashlyn? I’ve seen the way she looks at you. She feels the same...she’s just as scared as you are and that’s why you two are in this situation. It will just continue this way until one of you is in a serious relationship or something happens and then it might be too late for either of you to do anything. Don’t wait for that to happen Ashlyn. If you’re in love with her, grab her. Be brave and just say fuck it because she will love you either way at the end of the day. You two are family. You won’t lose her. Life is too short. If you’ve found her, don’t waste another minute Ashlyn. Don’t.”

Ashlyn has stopped crying and her eyes are full of conviction and determination. Tobin is just about to go over specifics of what she should do and how when the two beautiful Alexandras

 

 

 

walk back into the room.  
“Hey guys, coach said to get ready for dinner. We're going out to eat.” Alex says excitedly.

The four manage to get dressed alternating bathroom usage and soon they are all ready sitting outside their room on the floor with the rest of the team waiting for the coaches to tell them to load up the van.

Ali and Ashlyn keep the chatter to a minimum but Tobin knows Ashlyn is figuring out her next move. She can see the calculating look in her eyes.

“Ok, we have to pile up in one van cuz we are changing the oil in the other one. We can manage that right?”

A mixture of groans and giggles fill the air.

“Like we have a choice!” Syd says but she’s wearing a huge smile and Kristie is by her side glowing.

“Lap it up bitches or I’ll just lay across everyone’s lap!” Pinoe yells.

“No way, the only woman touching my keepers lap is me.” Kelley yells as they approach the van. Without warning she jumps on Hope’s back with a running start. Hope readjusts easily even though she wasn’t facing Kelley and didn’t know she would jump on her. Tobin smiles at the scene.

(Tobin’s brain notes: How beautiful and care free it must feel to know that no matter how many times you jump or fall, there will always be strong loving arms to catch you.)

Of course once in the van, the couples pair off right away to start off the lap seating arrangement. Ali and Ashlyn seem a little off but Ali still willingly sits on Ashlyn’s lap and grabs Ashlyn’s arms wrapping them around her own waist.

Alex makes her way to the back of the van and when Tobin is the last in she makes eye contact with her and waves her over.

“There’s no way I’m sitting on your lap Lex.” Alex pouts knowing that Tobin can’t resist it.

“Oh god don’t give me that face. I’m just too heavy.”

“What!? You’re a stick Tobin come on. Its just a short drive.”

Hope turns from her position on the seat in front of them, Kelley happily using her as a car seat. Tobin finds the sight comical and endearing.

“Hey skinny minnie, I’m hungry and we can’t move until you sit so let Alex hold you or I’ll have my girl sit on Alex’s lap and I’ll sit on YOUR lap. I’ll show you what heavy really is.”

Kelley laughs and swats Hope on her arm. Tobin doesn’t know how Kelley managed to tame Hope because even though she knows Hope is joking and it’s a playful threat, she still managed to intimidate the shit out of her. Hope finally looks away and smiles at Kelley before kissing her forehead and Tobin lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

Alex just laughs pulling Tobin down on top of her sloppily throwing Tobin off balance.  
“Hey! Wait wait, your...your knee...your knee...are you comfortable? I’m not breaking your legs

 

 

 

am I?”  
“Just...sit still Tobin!” Alex says giggling. “You squirm way too much.”

“How would you know that Alex?!” Pinoe yells from the front row. “Shut the fuck up Pinoe!” The whole van yells.

******************************************

Right after the team places their orders, Tobin knows there’s going to be a problem. Since they arrived, she noticed a table full of what looked to be 16 and 17 yr old guys staring shamelessly at their table. Tobin notices that they are casting glances mostly toward Alexandra squared who happen to be sitting next to each other but she also sees them looking at a few of the other couples and she even earns some nods of approval herself.

Tobin reads Ashlyn like a book. Ashlyn is on the same page with her and her body tenses every time the guys look over or get rowdy just to get the attention of the table.

“We’re in here 10 minutes and we run into a table full of douche bags.” Hope tells Kelley.

“Its ok baby. They’ll find out soon enough that 80% of this table is off limits.” She says pulling Hope into a long drawn out kiss that usually kicks off the other couple at the table. It’s always the same routine and Kristie and Syd never make a move until Hope and Kelley make theirs. Of course, since the coaches are present, the two couples only kiss long enough to get their point across.

Tobin looks over to the table at 8 guys that are falling all over each other for a better view. “Yup, she was right...douche bags.” Tobin says to herself but Alex hears her.

“And I’m sure you could have them all wrapped around your finger in an hour if you wanted to.” Alex is looking at Tobin while biting her lip.

“Go over there and find out how much faster you could have them eating out of the palm of your hand. They’ve been staring at you two....” Tobin motions to the two Alexandras. “Alexandra squared....since we sat down. I’m surprised their eyes haven’t fallen out of their heads.”

“I can make that happen right now.” Ashlyn says clenching her fists. Tobin sees Ali put a calming hand over Ashlyn’s fists and the blonde’s posture immediately deflates and relaxes.

“ALEXANDRA SQUARED! OH MY GOD! You are so cute Tobs!.” Alex says laughing hard and shaking her head. Tobin sees that beautiful sparkle is back in full effect and she feels like she’s on top of the world.

“It suits you. Two beautiful girls both named Alexandra...its like a requirement or something. Your parents aren’t allowed to name you Alexandra at birth until its confirmed that you will grow to be a solid 10 on the beauty scale.”

This gets both Alexandras to laugh and blush and Ashlyn smiles at Tobin gratefully. Tobin figures that any levity at this point is good for the vibe that the table full of hormonal guys seems to be killing at an alarming rate.

Then it happens. The inevitable. The coaches are preoccupied paying for the bill and three guys come right over to Alexandra squared.

Two brunette guys wearing tanks that are way to small for their bodies flank a blonde guy with

 

 

 

blue eyes that is obviously the leader of the little operation.  
“Hi, how are you two hotties doing tonight?” Blondie says with a wink and a smile.

“Do you really care or are you just here to get a phone number?” Tobin blurts out. She isn’t even sure she spoke until everyone is looking at her with looks of amusement and shock.

“Well, someone likes to get right to the point.” Blondie says winking at Tobin. “You’re cute brown eyes.”

Alex’s mood went from amused to pissed off with the flip of a switch.

At this point, one of the brunette guys has directed his attention toward Ali with a smile. “Hi, I’m Justin, what’s your name?”

“Hi Justin, nice to meet you. I’m Ali and this is my girlfriend Ashlyn.” Ali says shaking Justin’s hand politely. Ashlyn is confused for a beat but she takes the guys hand in a strong grip playing along.

“Oh...you’re together huh? That’s hot. Looks like you all have a lot of hotness going on at this table.”

“Well Justin sure does know how to turn a phrase. So chivalrous.” Alex says to the table causing the girls to snicker.

Blondie is still looking at Tobin with a little smirk and the longer he stares the more pissed off Alex gets.

“You like what you see...”

“Brian, my names Brian and you are?”

“Alex and this is Tobin.” Alex says through gritted teeth.

“Alex and Tobin, you two are gorgeous. We are having a party later on tonight. Everyone is invited.”

Alex notices that Brian has not taken his eyes off Tobin and she’s had about enough.

Alex leans back into Tobin’s chest closing her eyes in pleasure. Tobin goes with the flow and wraps her arms around Alex waist.

“Gee, we’d love to go but we kinda had plans to stay in all night...if you know what I mean.” Alex says biting her lip and audibly sighing. Alex leans her head back to kiss Tobin on the cheek.

Tobin notices that the whole table is staring at them with their mouths wide open in shock.

It would be comical if Tobin wasn’t so shaken to the core with the electricity running through her body.

“Fuck...me.” The other nameless brunette says under his breath. Before Brian can counter, the coaches are back and the guys disappear.

**********************************************

“Holy shit did you see the look on their faces!” HAO says laughing hard. “Who knew you two could play the part so well!”

 

 

 

Tobin and Alex smile sheepishly.

Tobin notices a rift between Ali and Ashlyn but she doesn’t understand why until the four of them end up lapped up in the van seated next to each other. Tobin insisted on being on the bottom this time and she can feel Ashlyn’s body next her rigid and tense.

The keeper and defender are trying to keep quiet but their argument soon turns into a whisper shouting match and Tobin and Alex hear the entire exchange.

“I’m just saying, don’t ever do that shit again. I’m not a toy that you can use to ward off douche bags, Blaire.”

“What is the big deal Ashlyn? You’re my best friend I thought you’d help me out a little.”

“You don’t fucking get it do you? Open your eyes B!”

“They’re open Michelle, what am I looking for?”

“I’m in love with you...can’t you see that? Using me for your little show is just something else that’s ripping me apart!”

“..........”

“Just forget it Blaire, you’re straight and I can never have you and that’s ok. Just don’t use me like that again.”

“Maybe...maybe we should wait to talk when we are alone.” Ali says as if realizing for the first time that they are in a cramped van full of their peers.

“I don’t give a fuck who hears Ali. I’m sure everyone in this van knows how stupid I’ve looked for so long being in love with a straight girl.”

“Ashlyn...please...” Ali is sounding like she might cry and Tobin is starting to feel like she’s intruding but with the weight of Alex on top of her and the van transporting them stuck in light traffic, there is nothing she can do.

Tobin feels Alex lightly squeeze her knee and when she looks up at her she sees an equal amount of concern in Alex’s blue eyes.

“What Ali, don’t act like you were clueless for so long. I know you could see it. There is no way you could miss it. But you still feel like you can use me. I can’t do that anymore Ali.” Ashlyn voice falters and Tobin knows the tears will inevitably make their appearance.

There is silence now but Tobin can see that both Ali and Ashlyn are crying silent tears. The tracks on their cheeks are gleaming in the lights of the city outside the moving van.

“Ash...” Ali whispers.  
“Don’t say anything else Ali please...I’m in enough pain.”  
“Ash...will you just listen to...”  
“No Ali, there’s nothing to say. I’ve already poured my heart out and now....” Ashlyn’s words are cut off by Ali’s lips.

 

 

 

Tobin feels Ashlyn’s fist clenched at her side and then her body relaxes as the couple deepens their kiss. If Tobin felt like she might be intruding before, she was sure of it now and she knows without looking that Alex is just as uncomfortable.

The rest of the team is in a light food coma after their meal so the monumental event transpiring behind them goes unnoticed.

The couple is locked in a make out session that lasts the rest of the way and Tobin has to elbow Ashlyn a few times to get them to stop before the whole van turns their first kiss into a huge spectacle that they may never live down.

Ashlyn clears her throat and tries to reach up to wipe her tears but Ali takes care of that lovingly with her thumbs before Ashlyn can even lift her hand.

There are no words spoken until they reach the room but the smile on Ali and Ashlyn’s faces speak a thousand words.

Tobin feels happy for her friends and she sees a whimsical smile on Alex’s face. When the four of them are finally behind closed doors Alex jumps up and down excitedly and hugs her friends wrapping an arm around each of their necks.

“You finally woke the fuck up! I thought I would never see the day!” Alex says with a smile so bright that Tobin has to sit down just to marvel at it.

Tobin hugs her friends when Alex lets go and Ashlyn conveys all the gratitude she can with one look into Tobin’s eyes. Tobin nods at her and smiles. No thanks necessary.

**********************************************

All four of them settle into bed that night setting their alarm clocks for an early practice before their first game.

Tobin was so distracted by the events that transpired earlier in the night that she just starts to realize that she will be sharing a bed with Alex when she sees her come out of the bathroom in her boxers and t-shirt. She will be sharing a bed with Alex.

Alex catches Tobin’s eye and smiles at her before walking over.

“I’m apologizing now before I get into bed Toby. I’m a big cuddler so I might not be able to keep myself from spooning you.”

Tobin swallows hard even though she has no idea what Alex is talking about.

(Tobin’s brain notes: What the hell is spooning?)

“Wha...what’s spooning Lex?”

Alex bursts out into a fit of giggles as she lets her self free fall on the bed face first.

“I’m finding a pattern here Lex where I ask you questions that you always find so funny.”

“I’m sorry Toby....please....don’t feel bad.” Alex can barely breathe and Tobin is starting to feel a little self-conscious. Here comes the over thinking.

(Tobin’s brain notes: Maybe I should’ve pretended to know what it meant but then I’d still feel stupid if it came up later.)

 

 

 

Alex senses the uncomfortable feeling coming from Tobin and she stops laughing. “I really am sorry its just...you’re so cute sometimes.”

“Sometimes? I thought I was cute all the time.” Tobin jokes trying to cover up the feeling of stupidity that’s plaguing her by making Alex laugh with her and not at her.

Alex smiles warmly. “You are...”

Tobin feels a blush quickly rising in her cheeks but its nothing compared to the blush that attacks her entire body when Alex says,

“I’ll show you what spooning is.”

And she does...


	7. You Deserve That

If Tobin had ever doubted her feelings for Alex before, they were 150% clear now. Alex’s chest was pressed firmly on her back and she couldn’t decipher the difference between their hearts that beat in perfect synchronization. Tobin closed her eyes and tried to get a grip on her breathing. She felt like she might hyperventilate and that was going to be very hard to explain. She felt Alex slink her arms around her mid section and soon Alex’s lips were right next to her ear causing goose bumps to cover the entire right side of Tobin’s body. When Tobin opened her eyes she saw Ashlyn mirroring Alex’s position opposite her. Ali appeared to have fallen asleep and Ashlyn looked as if she held the entire universe in her arms. Tobin’s mind wandered to the day she first held Alex and she immediately felt a connection to Ashlyn. Tobin knew she might never have this same connection with any other friend. Ashlyn might be the only person that could understand how she felt. Tobin had also fallen for a straight girl...and she was also in deep shit.

“So...this is spooning.” Alex whispered softly in Tobin’s ear.

“Does it work both ways?” Tobin asked through teeth that were beginning to chatter.

“Sure it does Toby? Are you trying to ask me if you can spoon me?” Alex purred in her ear.

Tobin had no idea how she was able to keep up with this conversation when her body was shutting down along with her basic brain functions. At this point she was going only on instinct.

“Maybe I am. If I was asking, what would you say?”

“Oh I don’t know. I might say that you just found out what spooning is, how could you know what you’re doing?”

“Oh really?”  
“Really. Would you have a smart ass retort like you usually do?”

“Maybe...I might tell you that there is no way for me to get good at it if I don’t get some experience doing it. Practice makes perfect.”

“No...perfect practice makes perfect Toby. Can you practice perfectly?”

“I won’t know until I have my arms around you. What’s the matter? You scared you might like it too much?”

“Actually, it’s the opposite. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to let go once you got a taste.”

“I think maybe you’ve already got to that point in this position....holding me. I think that’s why you aren’t willing to switch.”

Alex finally breaks the façade of the playful banter and giggles in Tobin’s ear.

“You’re good Tobin. I’ll give you this one but remember I’m choosing to yield just to get you some experience spooning. I mean, god forbid you do this for real one day and you have no clue what you’re doing. I have to take one for the team.”

“Well, don’t feel too bad. We have all night so if I’m not doing it right we can always switch again...you know for remedials.”

Alex giggles quietly trying not to disturb their friends in the next bed.  
“Ok, Ok Toby you already won you don’t have to keep laying it on me even though it is cute.”

Tobin laughed a little as she felt Alex slowly, almost reluctantly let go and start to shift next to her. Tobin took a second to catch her breath and get mentally prepared for what was about to happen. Just before she turned her back she took one last look at Ashlyn who was still awake. Ashlyn’s smile was huge and her dimple was out in full effect. Ashlyn gave Tobin a reassuring nod and Tobin could almost feel the excitement emanating off her blonde friend. Tobin flashed a goofy smile before turning off the lamp on the nightstand and turning to Alex’s long slim body behind her.

Tobin took a second to figure out how best to go about this. Then she realized that she was wasting too much time thinking and she just wanted Alex in her arms. Tobin started by placing her chin on the left side of Alex’s neck and shoulder. She felt Alex’s body jolt a little which made her heart jump in her chest.

(Tobin’s brain notes: Can she possibly be having the same feelings? No, Tobin. She’s straight... she’s straight....she’s straight.)

Tobin closed her eyes and took in the beautiful scents of Alex’s hair, perfume and something else she just couldn’t pinpoint. Face cream? Tobin realized that she might end up hurting just as bad as Ashlyn had but in this moment she was willing to risk it all if only to be able to feel this happy for this one moment. To hold this beautiful girl in her arms and once again know how it feels to hold something so real...so perfect. Tobin was never one to question a miracle.

She put her right arm under Alex’s neck and pillow and the other around her waist. The last step was pressing her chest to Alex’s back.

“How am I doing so far?” Tobin asked in a choked whisper.

“......”

“Alex? Are you asleep?” Tobin asked almost laughing at the possibility that Alex could’ve fallen asleep that easily. Little did she know that Alex was dealing with controlling her own feelings and she needed a moment to catch her own breath before she spontaneously combusted.

“No Toby...sorry. I’m awake. You’re doing fine. But you’re always good at picking up new skills.” Tobin felt Alex body shake a little as she giggled.

“Are you comfortable? If you need me to adjust something just let me know.” “Do you always over think things this much?”

“Uhhh, just when I care enough to make it perfect. Uhh you know, like when I want to be good at things like sports and stuff.” Tobin said trying to sound dismissive as if she wasn’t trying to be everything Alex ever wanted.

Alex decided to bring up a conversation she’d been wanting to have with Tobin. She needed the distraction badly.

“So Toby...I want to know about your Mom playing dress up with you. Is that what she does?” Tobin immediately froze and Alex felt it. In this position there was really no way for either of

them to hide it if their bodies started to betray them.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Tobin asks with curiosity. Alex expected a little bit of defensiveness maybe even refusal to touch the subject but no. Tobin was an open book and that made Alex feel safe in her arms and for some reason she knew that if she was ever lucky enough to have the chance to give Tobin her heart that it too would be safe.

“Well, you made the comment about your lucky cap and I was just wondering...well, what’s the deal with the whole tomboy thing?”

“I really like this team Lex. I like everyone and however they dress or what they do is cool with me. I just...I don’t want you to think badly of me because of what my mother thinks. I don’t share her views.”

Alex felt her heart wrench again much as it had when Tobin first mentioned the issue with her lucky cap. Alex shifted in Tobin’s arms just enough to be able to look into her eyes.

“Hey, I would never think badly of you. You are sweet and considerate...I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone as sweet as you. You’re...amazing and I can’t see you any other way. I would never judge you.” Alex searched Tobin’s eyes for any kind of pain or doubt and all she could find was an intensity that made her heart ache with jealousy of who ever had been on the other end of that steady loving gaze before today. But right now, this gaze was only hers and she would revel in it.

“Ok Lex...you..uhh. Thanks.”  
Alex smiles and shrugs her shoulders a little before returning to her position.

“Ok so....my mom doesn’t let me wear certain things.” Tobin blurted out so she could prevent herself from saying something stupid.

“Why Tobin?”

“She says that I should only wear things that girls wear and she hates long shorts or any kind of clothing that makes me look...well...like a tomboy.”

“Well, give me an example besides the cap...which is ridiculous by the way cuz it looks cute on you.”

Tobin takes a second to smile at the compliment.

“Thanks Lex. Uhh, like that first practice she went to...well she saw the way Ash was dressed and she told me that’s why she didn’t let me wear basketball shorts. She said...” Tobin sighed with regret not really wanting to repeat what Cindy said word for word.

“She said it was disgusting. She asked about the couples too. She saw their PDA.”

Alex felt a wave of anger crash over her at the mention of her friends. Tobin felt Alex’s body tense up and all of a sudden she was afraid. Tobin was afraid of losing someone that wasn’t even hers.

“Don’t get me wrong, she loves all of you. She really does, she just doesn’t want me to dress like that or....well she just said to be careful...she’s just old fashioned Alex. She doesn’t get it. I’m sorry. Like I said I love the girls. I love playing with all of you. I don’t feel that way.”

“I know you don’t Tobin. Don’t worry. It’s not your fault that your mother sees things like that. Maybe it won’t always be that way....”

“Maybe...” Tobin responds pensively and she finds that this might actually be a possibility. Cindy always had strong views and she talked a big game but there were so many times that she contradicted herself when it came to someone she loved or admired. Tobin had seen her mother have a change of heart plenty of times and she softened at the idea that this may very well be one of those situations.

“What about your Dad? What does he think?”

Tobin laughs and shakes her head. “My Dad is a big goof and the sweetest man you will ever meet. He is friendly and very accepting. I wish you could meet him Lex. He just works so much and then he’s always tired after work so he’s not able to make a lot of games.”

Alex smiles to herself imagining Tobin’s father being as care free and sweet as she is and she decides that while Tobin looks so much like her mother she definitely got her personality from her father.

“So I’ve been wanting to ask you about what you said you want to do when you grow up...the Marines...are you serious about that Tobin?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Why? Was your Dad a Marine?”

“Nope, my uncle....he died in Vietnam.”

“Your mom’s brother? How does she feel about that?”

“She’s hoping I outgrow it.”

Alex laughs in understanding and thinks that she might also want Tobin to outgrow it only because she would never want anything to happen to her.

“She doesn’t understand that it’s not a phase. I believe in serving my country. I love my country Lex.”

Alex smiles softly at the intensity behind Tobin’s voice even if she doesn’t completely understand how Tobin feels. Butterflies start to swirl in her stomach.

(Alex’s brain notes: She’s so amazing.)  
“And you Lex? Are you serious about soccer?”

“Absolutely Tobin. I don’t know where it will take me but it just works for me. I just feel like I was born to do it. When I’m on the field it just clicks...know what I mean?”

“Yea, its kind of like hitting a homerun in softball. You feel the solid hit against your bat and it should feel almost like an explosion since its being hit so far but it’s the opposite. Its smooth and almost weightless and you know without even having to look that you have just scored.”

“You softball players with your home run metaphors.”  
“You love it Lex.”  
“Whatever, don’t kid yourself Toby. You’re cute but don’t get too confident.”  
“Oh no, God forbid I ever have confidence!” Both teenagers laugh at this and then they are silent.

Tobin takes in every detail about the position she’s in. The warmth of Alex’s body, the steadiness of her heart beat. The perfection with which their bodies fit together. The feel of Alex’s hand over the top of hers. The way their legs are tangled together. Nothing else exists except for Alex, Tobin and the bed they are in. Tobin finds herself wishing that the night would never end.

“Good night Tobin. See you in the morning.”

“Night Alex.” And before Tobin can stop herself, she kisses Alex’s neck. Alex body jolts again and then Tobin swears she can see Alex’s cheeks move in the shape of a smile. She feels Alex’s abs expand as she takes in a huge breath and she hears her exhale, almost sighing.

“Hey Lex?” “Mhmm?”

“The answer is no. I never felt like I just wanted to let him have me. I’m saving myself for someone that really sees me. Someone that truly loves me and notices more than just my lips....just someone that...respects me.”

Alex’s eyes shoot open. She manages to stay still even though all she wants to do is turn around and show Tobin how she really feels about her. She wants to convey all her emotions in a kiss but the fear of losing Tobin is much too strong. Alex intertwines their fingers instead.

“I get it Tobin. I hope you find someone like that one day. You deserve that.”

Tobin pulls closer to Alex’s body if its even possible at this point so that she’s sure Alex will hear what she says next. Tobin presses her nose and lips to the opening of Alex’s ear and whispers.

“So do you Alexandra.” And that’s the last thing Alex hears before she feels Tobin leave another kiss on her temple and settle in behind her for the night.

************************************************

The next morning Tobin wakes up to find that Alex switched positions but only to face Tobin, not to spoon her. Alex has one of her legs around Tobin’s waist and her arm around her torso just under Tobin’s armpit. Tobin does not want to move a muscle. The feeling is so beautiful and overwhelming that she doesn’t want to ruin it. She wants for Alex to stay asleep so she could finally study her features without feeling like a creep since Alex can’t see her. But just as Tobin is outlining Alex’s lips with her eyes the alarm goes off and Alex’s eyes flutter open. And Tobin wonders how she went so long without feeling this complete.

“Hi Tobin..” Alex says smiling and Tobin feels a blush quickly rising on her cheeks.

“Hey Lex.” Tobin replies with a huge goofy grin and Alex’s breath catches in her throat.

(Alex’s brain notes: Jesus Tobin, that smile.)

“Guess its time to get up but it feels like someone has me in some sort of leg lock?” Tobin says looking down between their bodies.

“Oh My God Toby I’m so sorry! I told you I was a big cuddler. I swear I’m so sorry I don’t even remember how I got into this position. I’m really sorry.”

“Are you really sorry Lex? You’re really sorry about this?” Tobin asks looking down again at Alex’s body and grinning from ear to ear.

(Alex’s brain notes: Fuck I think I’ve taught her how to get to me without even meaning to. She’s getting better and better with the flirting. And she’s gonna kill me with that smile. Think fast think fast.)

“Oh well you know I don’t want to give away all my cuddling secrets in one night Toby.” Alex says before untangling herself quickly and almost running to the bathroom. Not her best come back but it was something.

Tobin lies back looking at the ceiling with a huge smile and stars in her eyes. (Tobin’s brain notes: I just woke up with her in my arms...God this feels so good.)

Tobin hears someone clearing their throat next to her and she turns to see her two friends in the same position they were in the night before. Ali’s smile is blinding and the crinkle on the bridge of her nose is as adorable as ever. Ashlyn’s dimple only adds to the cuteness of the whole scene.

“Can you two get any cuter?!” Tobin says laughing out loud.  
“We were thinking the same thing about you two.” Ali says in a sleep slurred voice. “Oh that? Eh, she was just schooling me on how to spoon correctly.”  
“Sure she was Tobs. Sure she was.” Ashlyn says shaking her head.

They all manage to get ready in time for the team meeting and the little practice, which turned out to be more of a warm up for the game than anything else. No one notices much of a difference between Ali and Ashlyn since they were always so affectionate with each other before. At least that’s what they think. All the down time is just an excuse for Pinoe to get into her usual shenanigans.

“So... you four sex monkeys did it last night. I can see it written all over your sweet little ‘I just fucked a hot girl’ faces.”

“WTF! Shut up Pinoe!” Alex says forcefully covering Pinoe's mouth from behind with one hand and putting her in a lose chokehold with the other. Pinoe quickly bends her knees setting her balance and lifts Alex off the ground on her back with ease. Alex screams out laughing and Pinoe takes her for a little ride.

“Pinoe! Put me down you ass!” Alex yells laughing hysterically. “Neva!” Pinoe yells defiantly.  
“Pinoe! Pinoe you little shit!” Alex yells louder.

“Oh no Alexandra Patricia Morgan we will NOT have you screaming in my ear young lady! No ma'am!” Pinoe says matter of factly and she takes Alex over to the water station where she commences to drench her with water.

Lauren is standing next to Tobin watching the whole exchange and the two are laughing hysterically. Soon enough the whole team has started a water fight which ends in a messy, muddy dog pile with Pinoe and Alex at the bottom. Alex complaining that she needs to pee again and Pinoe yelling out obscenities. “Get off me you cows! You’re crushing me!”

“What the hell is going on here!” Coach Cano yells when he discovers the mess. “Pinoe and Alex come here right now!”

Pinoe rolls her eyes and Alex slaps her hard on the arm.

“OW! Coach did you see that? See? It was all Alex coach I swear! Its not my fault she was being a cow and jumped on top of me and started squirting me with water!” This earns Pinoe another slap from Alex and a small pinch behind her arm that Alex knows Pinoe hates.

“Uh OW! Coach she’s abusing me!” Alex hasn’t been able to stop laughing even though she knows this is going to get her in trouble.

“Quit this nonsense right now, both of you. Clean up this mess and you will both be sitting out for the first half of the first game today.”

“WHA! Coach you know that me and Alex are two of your best players. You can’t start the first game in the tournament without us!” Pinoe complains rather conceitedly.

Coach Cano ignores her and walks away with finality. Alex is unconcerned with the coaches’ decision. When Tobin asks her why she’s not bothered, her answer sounds even more conceited than Pinoe’s plea. “It won’t last an entire half. He needs both of us on the field and he knows it.”

Alex was right. Eight minutes and Alex and Pinoe have already been subbed in. The dynamic of the team when they take the field is unmistakable. Tobin writes it off to how long they’ve played together but she soon realizes that it’s so much more than that. Pinoe is aggressive and quick. Her control of the ball is accurate and confident and it starts a spark of inspiration in Tobin. She knows there is so much more she can learn from her fellow mid fielder. Alex may be one of the leading goal scorers on the team and Cap may be the captain but Pinoe is a natural leader and Tobin can easily see that Pinoe has a fire inside her and she will do anything to win.

They finish the half leading 3-0 and Tobin knows that Pinoe and Alex played a huge part. Tobin didn’t play the first half but she expected that. Coach Cano had already informed her that she would be playing the second half.

On the way into the locker room after the half, Tobin sees Alex wave to someone in the stands. Tobin follows her gaze and is shocked to see her cousin Servando sitting in the stands waving back.

(Tobin’s brain notes: What the hell is Serv doing here?)

She sees Alex walk up to the stands to give him a hug and she has to look away because she’s afraid of what else she might see that she knows she won’t be able to handle. Tobin knows she won’t be able to handle it because the feeling she’s having right now is something that she’s barely handling as it is.

“Oh there he is...Alex’s boy toy.” Abby says looking to the stands. Tobin cringes at the stabbing feeling in her chest but remains silent. Lauren is the only one that notices the look on Tobin’s face.

Alex makes it into the locker room about 5 minutes behind everyone else but to Tobin it feels like an eternity.

“Oh you finally decided to join us superstar?” Pinoe says earning her another pinch from Alex.

Tobin doesn’t even want to look up from her down ward gaze and when Alex sits next to her she makes an excuse and goes to the bathroom. Alex notices the change right away but doesn’t think it has anything to do with Servando. Servando is a close friend of Alex’s. They have known each other since elementary school and sure she knows he likes her but she keeps it casual. She can’t see him like that. All her friends at school always told her she was crazy because Servando really is handsome but she just never got past the brotherly feeling she had toward him. At the time she

didn’t understand it herself but now that she knows how she feels about Tobin she can see the difference right away. The feeling for Tobin is real and it’s strong. Servando is and always will be just a friend.

Tobin is able to avoid going back out until they have to take the field again and at this point Alex is concerned that she may not be feeling well.

And then it's soccer. And this is the first time Tobin realizes that soccer is a drug that will numb anything as long as you stay focused. Tobin runs faster, tackles harder, dribbles quicker than she ever has during practice or any other time. She nutmegs a player without even knowing what she’s doing. She allows her instinct to guide her and she completes cross after cross to Sydney and Alex that result in 2 more goals before the game is over.

“Holy shit KILLER! You were on fire! That’s what I like to see!” Abby yells in Tobin’s face after the final whistle. Tobin just gives her a slanted smirk and shrugs her shoulders as Abby crushes her in a hug. Abby is huge and Tobin feels like a tiny mouse that’s being squeezed by a snake.

“Hey hey, ease up a little. We don’t want her to poop her pants.” Lauren says laughing at Tobin’s face that is quickly turning red.

Abby lets her go and Lauren envelops her in a hug. “You were great love. Really awesome. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a zone like that. But...are you ok? You can talk to me, you know that right?”

“Of course I’m ok L. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Tobin, I see things other people don’t see so I’m not as easily fooled. I’ll always be here. I hope you know that.” Lauren knew better than to push anyone out of the closet before they were ready but even more so with Tobin. Tobin was a special case. Tobin was self conscious and fragile sometimes even though Lauren felt she had no reason to be. Lauren knew that Tobin was just coming into her own and she wanted to present herself as a strong ally because she knew that soon enough, Tobin would need her and she loved her friend dearly.

“I do. Thanks Lauren.” Tobin says avoiding Lauren’s gaze so that she could remain unreadable.

When the team begins to walk to the next field they will be playing on, Tobin walks with Lauren, Ali and Ashlyn so she can further avoid Alex. Tobin saw Alex talking to Servando again after the game and she was starting to feel sick with jealousy. She knew she had no right to be jealous. Alex was straight and she wasn’t hers.

Servando was the same age as Tobin and they had grown up together with another one of their cousins Jill, who was also the same age. Servando was quiet and shy but he had a coolness about him that attracted a lot of girls. The fact that he was handsome didn’t hurt either. Tobin imagined that girls saw him as mysterious which made him practically irresistible. Tobin loved her cousin and she began to feel that if she couldn’t have Alex, that at least she knew Servando would be good to her and make her happy. The sick pukey feeling Tobin had deep in the pit of her stomach was still there though and she figured that it might never go away. She had over stepped her boundaries and she was going to have to pull away from Alex now. She had to protect herself because she knew that this pain she was feeling was only going to get worse the closer she got to Alex.

It was Tobin’s turn to distance herself for the sake of her cousin who she loved, and the girl he was obviously in love with. Tobin only had to see the way he looked at her to know. And it wasn’t hard to fall in love with Alex Morgan. Tobin knew very well that it wasn’t hard at all.


	8. I Know I can't be with you...

I do what I have to do.

Going into the second game, Tobin just wanted to focus on one thing at a time. She decided that she needed to stop fantasizing about something she could never have. And if she’s never had it then she shouldn’t know what she’s missing right? Well wasn’t that the million dollar question? Except this was more like a revelation...an answer. Not a question. Tobin was falling for Alex fast and there was no stopping it but she was fairly convinced that she had things under control. All it took was one inquiry form Alex to change her mind.

“Tobin Powell Heath...were you just gonna pretend that you didn’t know who Servando was and never tell me he was your cousin?!”

“I wish I really didn’t know who he was.” Tobin said under her breath.

“Huh? What did you say?”

Tobin exhaled loudly and turned to face Alex. “I didn’t say anything Lex. I didn’t know you knew him...or you and him were a thing. You never mentioned having a boyfriend....so yea maybe I would’ve said something if I knew.” Tobin tried her best to sound delighted, hell even just to sound indifferent but there was no way to hide how hurt she was and a sliver of that pain made its way out in her voice and in her body language.

Lauren sat next to her on the bench in the locker room hearing the whole exchange. She knew she was going to have to help her friend sooner or later and she felt that that time might be at hand. Alex heard the tone in Tobin’s voice and immediately grew concerned.

Tobin knew more than she was letting on. She had known that Servando was dating someone. He had talked about it almost constantly. Even Tobin’s aunt was captivated by this girl. Serv had told Tobin that his mom had even taken him out to buy her a promise ring. Now all the pieces were falling into place and Tobin’s stomach churned at the realization.

Tobin’s mind immediately wandered and she could hear the voices in her head as clear as day.

“Alex is a sweet heart honey.” “Alex, please call me Cindy.”

Tobin’s mother had only talked to Alex for about 10 minutes and Alex already had her eating out of the palm of her hand. Not to mention, letting Tobin go on a sleep over which she had only done once when she was too young to remember. Of course Tobin’s aunt Nancy would be in love with Alex too.

“No, Tobs its not like that. He’s not my boyfriend....we just, kinda hang out.”

“Well I don’t know what hanging out with a guy means but if that includes wearing a ring that he bought you then it sounds like boyfriend material to me.” Tobin said and this time she didn’t even try to hide the sting in her voice. Before Alex could counter, Lauren stepped in.

“Hey Tobin lets go ask coach if there are any orange slices left. I need my vitamin C.” “Sure L, let’s go!” Tobin replied in a sarcastically joyful tone.

Alex stood by and watched them walk away. To say she was confused would be an understatement. It was so much more than confusion. A mixture of fear and self-loathing had been thrown in the mix as well.

(Alex’s brain notes: Of course she would be upset. She thinks I’m using her cousin. Am I using him? No he’s my friend. He knows that right? Oh fuck, I’m gonna lose her. I’m gonna lose her because of him...but I can’t. I can’t lose something I never had and can never have. Way to keep it all in the family, Alex. Ugh, this is such a fucking mess!)

The next game flew by in a blur and Tobin was happy to be put on the field in the second half after Alex was already out of the game. No distractions. She noticed how much more focused she was and sharing the field with Pinoe, Lauren, Abby and Sydney was an electrifying experience. She felt confident in all her teammates. She had never been able to say that before. She knew that if someone was out of position, that there would always be someone ready to back them up and there were no weak spots. They were in possession of the ball almost constantly and they were always on the attack. 3 goals later and the final whistle blew. Tobin’s teammates were ecstatic about the win and she found herself trying to join in their happiness but it was tainted. As soon as the whistle blew, there was nothing more to distract her from the fact that she finally found her answers in a girl that was dating her cousin. That’s not easy to ignore.

“Hey Tobin!” She heard Servando yell her name as she walked off the field. For a split second she seriously considered ignoring him. Later she could easily claim that she didn’t hear him but what good would that do? None of this was his fault and she loved him.

“Hey Serv, what are you doing here crazy!?” Tobin said walking over to her cousin masking all the pain that he was unknowingly causing.

“You know what I’m doing here you dork. Don’t act stupid. Alex is the girl. Well my girl...the one I’ve been telling you about.” Tobin had reached Servando and was in the middle of giving him a hug when he said this. Tobin’s body grew stiff in his embrace. She let go quickly and avoided his gaze.

“Oh shit Serv, so she’s the one you’re always talking about huh? Damn cos you’re whipped!” Tobin said playing along good-naturedly.

“Shut up Tobs...don’t tell her shit. Don’t tell her what I’ve said about her. That’s so embarrassing.”

“It’s cool Serv, you know I’m not like that but you ARE whipped. You know I’m gonna have to make fun of you a little right?”

“Have you looked at her Tobin? If she’s the one that has me whipped, then I don’t care. She’s so worth it.”

Tobin couldn’t take anymore of this. She hugged her cousin once more and walked away quickly muttering her goodbyes.

On the way to eat after the game, Tobin decided to sit with Pinoe. Pinoe was always laughing and carrying on. When Tobin really thought about it, she never remembered a time that she saw Pinoe being serious about anything. Tobin decided that she needed Pinoe’s easygoing nature more than anything right now.

“Ok, Tobin Heath. Tonight, you and I are gonna write a song. This song is gonna be called ‘The Cow Who Benched Me.’ ”

Tobin immediately turned a dark shade of red as she looked up to where the coach was sitting.

“Shut the fuck up Pinoe. He’s gonna hear you!” Tobin whisper shouted but she just could not keep from giggling uncontrollably.

Pinoe ignored Tobin’s warning and produced a piece of paper and pen out of her duffle. She wrote the title at the top in a messy scrawl and right underneath it she wrote: ‘By: Pinoe & the Grandma’

“Who’s ‘The Grandma?’ “ Tobin asked confused. Pinoe grinned mischievously. “You are, you dumbass! Who else is helping me write this song?”  
“What?! Why am I the grandma?” Tobin asks clearly appalled.

“Don’t be offended Tobin. I’m just calling you that cuz you’re such a square but it could be worse. You just aren’t funny looking so I can’t come up with a name based on your looks. You should be flattered.” Pinoe winks at Tobin and nods her head enthusiastically.

Tobin rolls her eyes and laughs at Pinoe. “Thanks?”

The process of writing the song has Tobin and Pinoe laughing so hard that by the time they arrive at the restaurant they can barely breath and they have tears rolling down their cheeks. Tobin is loving Pinoe right now.

At the hotel that night, Tobin tells Ashlyn she’s going for a walk before she even enters the room. Ashlyn has Ali by the hand and looks at Tobin questioningly.

“Ok...well, are you ok, Tobin?”  
“Yea Ash I’m good. I just need to clear my head.”  
Ali was inspecting Ashlyn’s hand lovingly but turned to look at Tobin when she spoke.

“Its not gonna help if you hold it in Tobin.” Ali says letting go of Ashlyn’s hand and walking over to where Tobin is standing. Ali stands only a foot away from Tobin and looks right into her eyes. Tobin understands immediately how it was so easy for Ashlyn to fall in love with Ali. The look she was giving Tobin was so intensely filled with genuine concern that she almost felt exposed and uncomfortable beneath it. But Ali really cared. She could feel it emanating off her body and it made her feel warm.

“Just...if you ever want to talk, we will always be here. We have your back. You’re family now. Don’teverforgetit.”

“I won’t Ali, thanks.” Tobin says with a small smile. Ali hugs her firmly for a few seconds and then pinches her cheek before joining Ashlyn again. Tobin grins at the pinch and then turns around to walk away.

Alex was already in the room and when she sees Ashlyn and Ali appear without Tobin she furrows her brow in confusion.

“Where’s Toby?”

“Went for a walk.” Ashlyn says dismissively and then walks into the bathroom to avoid any further questioning.

“What are you doing Alex?” Ali inquires after seeing several outfits laid out on Alex and Tobin’s bed.

“Oh, Serv invited me to go out tonight with some of his older friends that are having this house party. You and Ash should come too.” Alex said excitedly.

Ali knows Tobin is going to be even more devastated once she realizes that Alex is gone. She decides that she will stay exactly where she is because Tobin is going to need them both.

“Nah, I’m tired Morgan. Maybe another time.”  
“Damn, you guys haven’t even been official for a whole week and you already sound like an old

married couple.”

“That’s ok, I’ve never been this happy. Do you know how that feels Alex? That invincible feeling that comes with being in love?”

“I..I don’t know.”  
“Don’t worry, when you find the one...you will know. There’s no mistaking it.”

Alex knew this. She knew she was developing very strong feelings for her teammate but trying to read the situation was becoming very frustrating. She was stressed out and this party was the perfect opportunity for her to have some fun and unwind.

“I really want Tobin to come to the party with me...”  
(Ali’s brain notes: Talking about being in love and she mentions Tobin. Cute Alex.)

Ali smirks to herself. “Well you should wait till she gets back and invite her.”

“I would but Serv and his friends are picking me up. I don’t know where she is. If she doesn’t come back by the time they get here, then I can’t wait for her.”

“I see how it is. You really need to figure your shit out Alex before someone gets hurt.” Ali immediately regrets these words as soon as they leave her mouth. These feelings and whatever surrounded them were something Tobin and Alex had to figure out for themselves. Ali never wanted to interfere.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex asked rather annoyed.

“Nothing Al. Be careful tonight.” Ali walked over to the bathroom door and slipped in with Ashlyn.

**************************************************

Tobin returned to the room almost an hour after Servando and 3 of his high school friends picked Alex up.

Ashlyn saw the questioning look on Tobin’s face as she entered. “She went to a party dude. Your cousin picked her up. I’m sorry.”

Tobin felt tears prickling the corners of her eyes but she was able to hold it in until she got to the bathroom. But she didn’t cry. She refused to let it out. She was angry at herself for being so stupid and so naïve to think she could actually have someone like Alex. It was never going to happen. Tobin felt more like punching a hole through the wall or maybe just punching the wall but she knew that would worry her friends so she settled for a shower in steaming hot water instead. As she let the heat consume her she closed her eyes and mentally told herself to just let Alex go. Let all the hope she ever had for a chance with Alex burn away with every drop of water that hit her skin. Tobin’s back took the brunt of the heat and when she finally got out she had red splotches all over her back.

Ali and Ashlyn were already cuddled up in bed so Tobin walked over and turned off the lamp before she got into her own bed as far to one side as she could get.

When Alex stumbled through the door about four hours later, Tobin still lay awake...too upset to sleep. Of course she pretended to be asleep to avoid having to talk to Alex.

Alex turned on the light in the bathroom so she could see just enough to get ready for bed. She didn’t want to disturb anyone’s sleep. Tobin had caught a glimpse of Alex in the soft light of the bathroom. Alex was occupied with getting dressed so she wasn’t looking at Tobin. This gave Tobin a chance to study every beautiful curve of Alex’s body and every ripple of her muscle. Tobin could also tell that Alex had been drinking.

(Tobin’s brain notes: I can tell myself to let her go all I want but I’m still gonna want to check her out like this. She’s just so fucking gorgeous...I can’t help it.)

Tobin closed her eyes quickly when she saw Alex look over to where she lay. She heard Alex take a deep breath and soon she felt the bed dip and move as Alex got into bed. Tobin immediately smelled the alcohol making its way out of Alex’s pores. Then she felt Alex’s soft petite hands on her waist. One hand slinked around Tobin’s waist and the other caressed Tobin’s forearm. Tobin was still upset and she knew she needed to distance herself but it was so hard when she had Alex in bed with her.

“Tobin....are you awake?” Alex whispered. Tobin continued with her façade.

“I really wanted to talk to you...Tobin. I think I might....well...I like someone a lot.” Alex whispered to Tobin.

Tobin’s stomach turned and she suddenly knew that she couldn’t hear this. There was no way she could lay there and listen to the confessions of a drunk Alex because Alex always said that the truth comes out when you’re drunk and Tobin wasn't sure if it was true. She had never been drunk but she had been around enough drunk uncles to know that Alex might be right. She didn't want to test the theory. Tobin just could NOT handle hearing that Alex really liked her cousin right now. Even if there was still a possibility that it might not be true. It was just way too much. Before she could really think about what she was doing, she opened her eyes and put her hand on top of Alex’s hand that had been caressing her forearm.

“No Lex. If you want to talk about it, just do it when you’re sober. I don’t want to hear any confessions tonight. Now, just turn your drunk ass around so I can spoon you and we can go to sleep.”

“What if I don’t want to go to sleep? What if I told you that every time you touch me it makes me weak in the knees?”

“I would say you’re drunk and you don’t know what you’re saying. I mean it Alex. Shut your mouth or I’ll sleep on the floor.”

Alex’s heart sank but she didn’t say another word. The last thing she wanted was for Tobin to leave the bed. Alex did what she was told and turned her back into Tobin. Tobin held her firmly and never let go until she got up to brush her teeth in the morning. Alex remained in bed nursing a hang over and blaming who ever was at the party for buying cheep liquor.

When Tobin came out of the bathroom their eyes met and Tobin could only hold the eye contact for a few minutes.

“Did I say anything stupid last night? If I did I’m so sorry. I don’t remember anything.”

“Don’t worry, I stopped you from talking so you wouldn’t embarrassed yourself.” Tobin mumbled dismissively and walked out of the room. She felt claustrophobic all of a sudden.

When Tobin walked back in, Ashlyn and Ali were brushing their teeth and Alex was in the shower.

The phone on the desk rang and Tobin answered it.

“Hey can I talk to Alex?” A guy’s voice rang through the phone line. Tobin didn’t recognize the voice.

“Who is this?”  
“Hey, my name is Jacob...we met last night. You gave me your number...does it ring a bell?”

(Tobin’s brain notes: It’s fucking 9 in the morning. Why the fuck would you be calling a girl this early?)

“Hold on Jacob.” Tobin was livid. She felt like she might not be able to keep her emotions at bay this time.

“Hey dude it looks like you just swallowed a turd...what’s wrong? Who is it?” Ashlyn asked her.

Tobin looked at Ashlyn but she really didn’t see her. So many things were running through her head at a millions miles a minute.

“Hey Ash, can you knock on the bathroom door and tell Alex that Jacob from last night is on the phone for her?” Tobin managed to get the sentence out sounding somewhat normal.

She put the phone down and once again exited the room.


	9. Loyalty

Tobin wandered the halls looking for a distraction. Anything that would numb the pain, but more than the pain, the embarrassment. Girls like Alex were out of the question. Out of her league. They could have anybody they wanted, mess with anyone’s head and have them wrapped around their fingers. It seemed like everywhere they turned someone was gawking at Alex, which wasn’t a big deal to Tobin as far as jealousy went but it was just a constant reminder of how many options Alex had and would always have.

(Tobin’s brain notes: What makes me so special?)

“Nothing Tobin. You are just another teammate that fell in love. Just another lemming waiting for the next time she would look your way or smile at you. That smile that makes you feel like you are the only one in the world that’s important to her.”

“Are you talking to yourself?” Lauren...she always had perfect timing.

“Hey Chen, you caught me in the middle of my monologue. Could you go back into your room? I’ll knock when it’s over.”

Lauren smiled sadly at Tobin and shook her head.

“If you weren’t so adorable right now and so sad at the same time I would have no problem laughing right in your face. Has anyone told you how adorably geeky you are?”

“Its called swag Lauren and I have a lot of it. I’ve been told it’s effortless.”  
“Do you know what that word really means Tobin?” Lauren inquired with an eyebrow quirked.

Tobin sighed because she really did know what “swag” meant. Why the word was even invented and that fact alone just hit way too close to home.

“Can I join you? Walking...not in your monologue.” As if she had never mentioned the true meaning of “swag.”

“Sure...that would be awesome.”

“I know you weren’t using it in that context by the way.” Lauren said as she wrapped an arm around Tobin’s neck and began to walk.

“Oh what, swag? Yea I didn’t mean it in the ‘Secretly We Are Gay’ context but the whole effortlessly cool context.”

“Yea I know babe. I know you have a lot on your mind. I think its time to share. We have our last few games today and one last night in San Fran. Summer will be over and then I won’t be seeing you again for a whole...”

“Chen I think I’m gay.”

Silence...muffled laughter and shouts from her teammates behind the closed doors of their hotel rooms but out in the hallway....there was only dead silence.

Lauren stopped in her tracks and turned to look at Tobin. The look she saw in Tobin’s eyes was a mixture of fear, uncertainty and pain. Lauren wondered if this is how animals looked when they were caught in a snare.

Tobin’s heart was thumping so hard in her chest. She shouldn’t be this worried about what Lauren would think. Lauren was the closest thing she had to a best friend. Tobin realized at that point that she pretty much was her best friend. She should not be feeling this scared. She wanted Lauren’s approval and she didn’t know how to feel about that. The simple act of wanting acceptance was confusing to Tobin. Acceptance was never important to her, except of course when it came to her mom and lately...Alex.

Lauren’s heart broke. As if she knew the thoughts going through Tobin’s mind she pulled her in and held her against her chest.

“I knew that Tobin. I just wanted you to tell me. It was your confession to tell. I’m honored that you confided in me. You’re gonna be ok. You finally know all the answers to all those nagging questions.”

Tobin clung onto the steadiness of her friend. Lauren’s warmth, solidity and loyalty. The only certain thing in her life at that exact moment. She had finally said the words out loud and it felt liberating.

Just then HAO and Pinoe burst out from behind a hotel room door across from their hugging teammates. They stopped short when they saw them in a seemingly intimate embrace. Pinoe reacted first pulling HAO back into the room and laughing out loud.

“No box blocking HAO! Stop trying to creep!”

Tobin and Lauren heard the door slam behind their teammates and they laughed as they stood in their embrace. Lauren lifted Tobin’s head off her chest so she could look at her.

“We better get ready for breakfast and our first game. Will you sit with me in the van?” Tobin’s smile grew wide as she nodded her head gratefully at Lauren. *****************************************

The van. A tiny enclosed space where all the awkwardness and tension makes itself known and festers without an open area to spread its wings. All the loud and obnoxious teammates were in the other van and the silence that is shared between the passengers of the “quiet van” was extremely unsettling.

In the back, Ali, Ashlyn and Alex shared a seat. Sydney and Kristie were in the seat in front of them. Kelley was in the seat in front of them with a sleepy Hope Solo laying in her lap. And finally, Lauren and Tobin sat right behind the assistant coach who was navigating. Tobin was almost dozing off using Lauren’s shoulder as a pillow until Alex spoke up from the back. Almost yelled to be exact.

“So! I got stuck in the boring quiet van where everyone is practically married! Lucky me!” Tobin’s eyes shot open and the anger rising in her chest was unmistakable.  
Before she could say anything, Leroux spoke up.

“Someone sounds jealous. You mad cuz you don’t have someone to pay attention to you? What’s the matter? Having guys all over you last night and calling you this morning wasn’t enough

attention for you?” Tobin heard amusement in Sydney’s voice and then she heard Kristie quietly giggle. Tobin smiled to herself on Lauren’s shoulder.

Kelley spoke up next not giving Alex a chance for a comeback.

“Hey Alex, don’t worry about it. Not everyone is paired up in here. They're still three of you that are single. Maybe these two will take you in.” Kelley said motioning to Lauren and Tobin in front.

“No...no I was talking about them too. Look at how cute they look up there.” Alex’s voice betrayed her.  
(Tobin’s brain notes: That can not be jealousy I’m hearing right now. Impossible.) Tobin held her position and so did Lauren.

Then Tobin was surprised to hear Hope’s voice. Steady and soft. Tobin was always shocked to hear such a delicate voice come out of someone so strong and intimidating. She did have to admit that it was alluring though...even sexy. But she would never admit that to Kelley. Awkward.

“Oh Alex...looks like you’re finally getting your karma for being such a tease. Cock and box equally. Get’s pretty lonely doesn’t it?”

This set the whole van into hysterics. Lauren and Tobin were laughing so hard that their abs were cramping. Tobin heard Alex trying to tell them to shut up but their laughter was so loud that she was drowned out.

“That’s not fair guys! I’m not a tease!” Alex yelled defensively.

“Toby? You think I’m a tease?” Alex asked when there was a lull in the laughter. The van was quiet once again. Everyone waiting for Tobin’s response. Tobin remained still on Lauren’s shoulder as she answered.

“When did I become a part of this conversation?”

“Just now when I asked you a question.”

“Honestly? Yes.”

The girls broke out in a chorus of “Ooos” and laughter.

Alex felt a pang in her chest. She was jealous of how close Tobin was to Lauren right now. And the truth was, she did want attention but only from Tobin.

The van stopped and the assistant coach herded them out into the IHop.

“Hey, Toby...can I talk to you?” Alex said catching Tobin by the arm lightly and looking down at her Nike’s.

“Sure Lex....what’s up?” Tobin sighed. She really didn’t want to have any kind of conversation with Alex right now.

“I’m...I’m sorry for last night. I had too much to drink and I wanted you to come with me but you weren’t in the room and...I don’t know what I said last night but I don’t want to lose your friendship. I...I can’t lose you Tobin.” Alex’s voice quivered and as mad as Tobin was she couldn’t resist the urge to hold Alex and make whatever pain she was feeling go away.

“Come here Lex...hey its ok. You’re not gonna lose me. I promise. I told you I would always be here for you and I meant it.”

“I’m just sorry....if I hurt you or upset you. You are so special to me....you really have no idea how special you are.” Tobin held Alex around the waist and Alex had her face tucked in the crook of Tobin’s neck.

Tobin’s throat went dry at the sensation of Alex’s mouth so close to her pulse point. She could smell Alex’s shampoo and lotion and no matter how bad Alex had made her feel, she couldn’t ignore that she had deep feelings for her.

“How special am I Lex?” Tobin whispered.

Alex shifted in her embrace and looked up at her. “Very special, Tobin.” Alex began to run her hands up and down Tobin’s arms never breaking eye contact. She leaned into Tobin agonizingly slow. Tobin’s entire body tensed up in preparation for what she was sure to be a kiss. And Alex did kiss her...on the forehead and then on the cheek and then on the neck as she pulled Tobin in for one last strong embrace.

“You ready to eat? I’m starving.” Tobin couldn’t feel anything but the areas that Alex had touched with her lips. The burning sensation that still lingered was all she knew. The only indication that she was still breathing, still alive and still in the presence of a girl that she would do anything to have.

“Uh...y yea me too. Let’s go.” The two teenagers sat next to each other and Alex was 100% focused on Tobin for the entire meal. They laughed and talked and were always touching in one way or another. If it wasn’t their thighs touching under the table it was Alex’s hand on Tobin’s shoulder or knee.

The day flew by. Alex and Tobin were a dynamic pair once again breaking defensive lines and scoring left and right. They had two matches that day and one ended in a draw. The team was upset about it but coach Cano encouraged them to move on from that and not let it get to them. They were one of the top two teams in the tournament and they were going to be playing in the championship match the next day.

The girls were at an all time high. The only game they had to worry about was the championship game and that meant that they had the whole day to themselves to relax and prepare. They decided to meet in one room and watch a movie that night. Kelley volunteered her and Hope’s room ignoring the protests from Hope.

“Come on grumpy girl it’ll be fun!” Kelley said sitting on Hope’s lap on the bed before the rest of the team got there.

“I just wanted it to be us tonight baby. I need some stress reliever before tomorrow.”

Kelley straddled her keeper and ran her small hands from the base of her neck to the back of her head running her fingers through her hair.

“Who said they were gonna be here all night.” Kelley said in a seductive voice.

Hope grabbed her by the waist and quickly flipped them so she hovered over her on the bed. Kelley laughed and screamed with surprise at the sudden movement. Hope engaged her girlfriend in a passionate make out session. After about a minute of heated kisses Hope’s hands began to wander under Kelley’s shirt. Kelley didn’t protest even a little. The small whimpering noises she was making only added fuel to the fire until there was a loud banging on the door.

“Open up! It’s the police!”

“FUCK OFF!” Hope yelled in the voice she reserved only for the soccer field when she was commanding her defense.

Kelley giggled underneath her and shook her head. “To be continued baby. Don’t be like that to our friends.”

“UGH! I’m never getting any!” Hope whimpered.  
Kelley giggled again and kissed Hope one last time before getting up to answer the door.

“Are we interrupting some fucky fucky?” Carli said poking her head through the door. One look at Hope’s face is all it took for them to know the truth. They had indeed interrupted some fucky fucky.

Carli, HAO, Abby, Pinoe, Sydney, Kristie and Lauren walked through the door.

“Oh shit Hope...don’t kill me with that death glare. Come on buddy. You can continue later on tonight. We won’t take up all your time.” Carli said giving her best pout so that her best friend would forgive her.

“All of you owe me. Don’t forget it.”  
The girls laughed and rolled their eyes as they all got situated on the beds, floor and desk. “Hey, where are the four love birds?” Kelley asked.  
“They’re on their way so save some room for them somewhere.” Lauren said.

“Just leave the extra bed for Ali and Ashlyn so they can finally stop being clueless and for Tobin and Alex....eh just throw them in the closet. Maybe they’ll come out together.” Pinoe said smiling big. The girls laughed and threw pillows at her.

“Hey Hey don’t hate me cuz I speak the truth you cows!”

“Speak the truth about what?” Alex asked walking into the room with her 3 teammates trailing in her wake.

“Oh just the truth about you four...you know...”

Lauren tackled Pinoe down and put a hand over her mouth to shut her up. The rest of the girls started laughing at Pinoe’s flailing body.

Ashlyn looked at Ali questioningly. The two could read each other so well by now and they shared a short conversation without even opening their mouths. Ali just nodded her head and smiled reassuringly. Ashlyn smiled big showing her dimple and looking down at her shoes.

“Hey Lauren you can let her go. Its ok for her to say what we all know she’s gonna say anyway.” Ali said smiling whimsically.

Lauren let go and Pinoe gasped for air over exaggerating and dramatic as if she was being strangled.

“Abuse...everyone on this team loves to abuse me! Enough...I’ve had enough of this betrayal!” Pinoe yells pumping a fist in the air.

There was laughter, rolling of eyes and some pillows thrown and then Ashlyn spoke.

“Hey family...I know all of you have been wondering when Ali and I would...well, I guess make it official?” Looking over at Ali with a shy smile.

Lauren smiling.

Kelley with a hand over her mouth.

A few sharp intakes of breath.

Ali and Ashlyn’s hearts beating hard and in tandem.

Silence.

“W..we’re official guys. We are together. It’s been about....4 days?” Ashlyn questions looking over to Ali for confirmation with furrowed eyebrows.

Nose crinkling and a playful swat of the keeper’s arm. “She knows exactly how many days I’ve been her girlfriend she’s just trying to be cute. Three full days. Tomorrow will be our fourth.” Ali walks over to Ashlyn, stands with her back to Ashlyn’s chest and wraps the keeper’s arms around her. Ashlyn tightens her grip and kisses Ali's cheek.

The entire room is stunned...and silent.  
“Hello? Guys? Still with us?” Ashlyn says looking around at all the different expressions.

The room suddenly erupts in a loud mixture of cheers, laughter and yelling. The couple stands in the center of the room as they are showered with congratulations.

When the team finally settles down to watch the movie, Tobin and Alex have settled on a bed sitting up against the headboard, side by side, covered in a blanket. Hope and Kelley take up the other bed and the rest of the team is scattered on the floor, Carli is sitting at the desk facing the TV. Ashlyn and Ali are spooning at the foot of Tobin and Alex’s bed.

Ten minutes into the movie and Tobin feels Alex squirming next to her trying to get comfortable. They are both sitting Indian style and it starts with a hand on her knee. Caressing fingertips up and down 2 or 3 inches. Tobin swallows hard at the contact and beads of sweat start to appear on her forehead.

(Tobin’s brain notes: Am I EVER going to get used to her touch?)

Then her hand slowly moves to Tobin’s inner thigh dancing slowly along the sensitive skin. As much as Alex wants to explore, she doesn’t want to freak Tobin out so she stays within those two or three exploratory inches. Tobin’s breath is quickening.

Alex feels the change in Tobin’s body and decides to pull back a little. Too much too soon. The eagerness of her movements is like a bitter pill stuck in her throat when she thinks about how she has no experience in this. Second base, third base...Alex had been in plenty of make out sessions with guys and according to Tobin’s confessions about her ex, she had too but neither of them knew about anything past that point and that thought alone made Alex slink her arm around the small of Tobin’s waist and lay her head on her shoulder. She feels Tobin relax into the position and she can’t help the feeling of completion that washes over her leaving a small satisfied smile on her face.

After a few minutes she feels Tobin move her head and soon she feels those lips....

(Alex’s brain notes: Damn, damn those lips Tobin. Those beautiful soft lips.)

on her hairline. One little kiss, two...then she just rests her mouth there as if her lips needed a steady object to rest on to watch the movie. Alex’s body quivers at the constant touch and goose bumps prickle her skin. She feels Tobin’s warm breath on the side of her face as she lets out a contented sigh.

“Can I hold you?” Tobin whispers. Those four words. Up until this point Alex has never heard any four words that sounded as sweet as that. Four words that cause her body to practically spasm and her skin to tingle. Of course Tobin had held her before in bed and they had woken up together which was one of the most beautiful experiences in both their lives but Tobin had never asked to hold Alex. So much eagerness, adoration and intensity behind Tobin’s voice as those four words left her mouth. And that’s what Tobin is....just intense. Alex feels like the only woman in the world under Tobin’s touch, and her gaze and her care and she is on a constant high having never felt this good.

Instead of answering, Alex sits up and adjusts her position so that she is sitting in between Tobin’s legs. She finds Tobin’s arms and guides them around her own waist intertwining their fingers and then she leans back against the warm steady chest of a girl that she has fallen for in a short span of 2 and half months. They both close their eyes as they adjust to the explosions going off in their bodies at the contact. Nothing new there except it always feels new to them. Tobin’s chin is resting on the left side of Alex’s neck and they remain that way until the movie ends.

Alex has decided that she can’t have Tobin because Tobin is straight and she’s Servando’s cousin. There is no doubt about how different she feels about Tobin and Servando but that doesn’t change how Servando feels about her and she loves him even though she’s not in love with him. She never knew the difference. Never knew or even cared that there was a difference but Tobin... Tobin came and turned her world upside down and now all of a sudden she understood that there is so much more to life than having someone you are fond of holding your hand. Tobin taught her that there is such a thing as being in love.

Tobin feels like Alex is unattainable and of course that she’s in a relationship with her cousin. She reasons that Alex is straight and everything that has happened up until this point are things that she’s seen Alex do with her other teammates which is true. Although she hasn’t factored in that Alex has known her other teammates for so long that it would be ridiculous if she wasn’t that close to them. But that’s not what makes the reasoning important to Tobin. All Tobin has to go on at this point is that its physical contact. She doesn’t know that there are fireworks going off inside Alex’s body to match her own every time they so much as look at each other let alone make any kind of bodily contact.

They are both scared out of their minds and afraid to lose each other but one thing that they have both decided is that they will not stop being as close as they are now. No matter what happens, they will remain this way and they will be loyal to each other. Loyal is a phrase used between good friends...best friends and they reason that that is the friendly context is what exists between them. Loyal to each other...in their minds as friends, in their hearts they will be loyal to each other in every other context known to man.

The innocence of young love. The essence of its beauty and simplicity. Nothing to bar its true meaning. Nothing to blur its importance. Just pure, real and infinite in its possibilities. And Tobin and Alex would figure it out together. Always together even when they’re not.


	10. I Want to tell you...

The best team in the tournament never thought it would come down to penalty kicks. But in soccer, nothing is ever certain or in any sport for that matter. They hadn’t faced this team in the tournament yet and the scouting was not very reliable. They played dirty and aggressive and the refs seemed to be turning a blind eye to everything. That didn’t stop the occurrence of 3 yellow cards that were awarded to the Diamond Backs. It wasn’t hard to see their frustration. When the team was preparing for penalty kicks with a score of 2-2, Hope and Cap got in the huddle to give their encouraging speeches and last minute instruction.

“Ok I know you girls are exhausted and we didn’t see this coming but you have to rise above all the negativity right now and just focus on getting that ball to hit the back of the net. Do NOT under any circumstance lock eyes with the GK. Now I think we all agreed we are all going left but I think I want Pinoe and Tobin to go right. Can you girls handle that?”

“Sure Cap. Whatever you need.” Tobin said with a palpable confidence that put her team at ease.

“HUH! You’re asking me if I can handle it?! Let’s do this shit! I can handle anything!” Pinoe yells earning her big smiles and cheers from her teammates.

“Alright guys. Pinoe, Tobs, Alex, Ali and Abby, you know what the fuck to do. Tobs, use those quick feet to confuse the hell out of the GK before you put your foot on the ball. Just a little mind fuck for her. Pinoe...hard and fast. I mean put it down and go for it don’t even give it a second. Alex...I know how much you like to play the staring game but please...don’t fuck with this GK...she’s good. Don’t look her in the eye. Save that for Tobin.”

This comment earned a flutter of giggles from the group of girls.

“I’m gonna leave it all on the field for ya’ll. Whatever happens out there, you know who the best team is. There’s a reason we are the fucking 3 time reigning champions. Now let’s make this championship number four. D-backs on three.”

“D-bags?” Pinoe asks smirking.

The comic relief in a time of tension was always Pinoe’s M.O. and it had the desired effect this time just as it had so many times before. The team giggled a little and then the countdown and the “D-BACKS!”

Pinoe set the tone for the PKs and it was all down hill from there. The confidence that she displayed had a ripple effect on her peers and Coach Cano always knew that he could count on her for that. She did just as she was told. Hard, Fast and to the right.

Hope knew her role. All she needed was one. If she could get two then that would be great. But she wasn’t worried about that. She knew she had one in her. The first kicker wasn’t the one.

Tobin didn’t think about what she was doing and didn’t look up. She knew herself well and she knew that for her it was always the mental part of the performance that would win out if she let herself think too much. She did a little shake and bake on her toes and had the GKs head snapping from left to right and then she shot hard and high in the right corner. The GK didn’t even try to move for it. It was a goal before it even went in.

Kicker number two was different. Hope could see her hands shaking around the ball as she set it down. Shoulders slumped, eyes downcast.

(Hope’s brain notes: Lucky you. I’m gonna make you my bitch today.)

Then right before she shot, she made eye contact with Hope and it was all over. Any confidence she might have had at that point was completely diminished when Hope distributed the signature glare on full blast. Hope was mid air and then she had hands on the ball. A save. Hope got up fist pumping knowing that she had done her job.

Alex favored her left foot. All her teammates knew this. Left foot and shooting to the left would be a little challenging for an average player but Alex wasn’t an average player. She was very ABOVE average and despite what she had been told by Hope and Coach Cano, she looked the GK right in the eyes from the moment she put her foot on the ball (her right foot) until she shot it in the back of the net. She never once looked at the ball before touching it.

(Tobin’s brain notes: I hate how perfect she is.)

Ali’s and Abby’s shots were very fast but very accurate as they hit the back of the next. Hard and to the left.

The diamond backs all converged onto the field around Hope cheering and landing in a dog pile. After the dog pile cleared Kelley stayed on the ground with Hope in a very heated make out session. The team had to practically peel them off each other so they could get their trophy.

***************************************************

The team made one last trip to the hotel for one last night before they would make their trip back home the next morning. The coaches let the girls decorate the vans with white shoe polish so they could ride into town with “Champions” on the windows.

Later that night the girls met in Syd and Kristie’s room for a celebration. Tobin shouldn’t be surprised by now how her teammates always managed to acquire alcohol but she was really in awe this time because they were out of town where the girls had no older family members that could buy them the provisions. But of course Pinoe and HAO had the insight to bring it with them.

“Ok, tonight is your real initiation Tobin. Tonight you will have your first drink! No way around it. That fucking PK was fucking beautiful!” Kelley said through a huge grin and cheeks that were quickly becoming pink with the two giant swigs of champagne she had just taken.

“This little lush. You would think with that Irish blood that she’d be better at handling her liquor but nah.” Hope said yanking the bottle away from Kelley.

“HEY!” Kelley yelled pouting adorably.

“Share the liquor baby.” Hope said distracting Kelley from the real reason she took the bottle away.

Alex looked at Tobin questioningly. “Toby...you don’t have to drink anything if you don’t want

to. If you don’t drink I won’t either.”

Tobin looked over at Alex in her bed time attire. No makeup, bare foot, hair messy. Tobin’s heart was fluttering constantly at the sight.

“I can have one drink Lex...its cool.”

“Are you sure? Don’t feel like you have to just because everyone else is.”

Tobin laughs at Alex and takes her hand. “You’re cute when you act like you care.”

Alex’s heart jumped. Tobin had never told her she was cute. It was always Alex telling Tobin she was cute or adorable.

“I do care you little asshole.” Alex said fighting her blush at the compliment. “Its ok, really. I want a little champagne.”

They all sat in a circle and passed the bottle around. Tobin found that champagne wasn’t so bad. She expected a bitter taste and a burn in her throat but the spirit was sweet and bubbly she actually liked it but after the third round she knew she needed to slow down. She began to feel strange and loose. When the bottle came around the 4th time, Tobin pretended to take a sip but really didn’t consume any of it.

The team laughed and talked about the game. Pinoe and HAO got into their usual antics dancing around to music with funny made up dance moves.

“I’m gonna go around and give everyone their nicknames and you just have to take it bitches! I don’t care if you like it or not. Tonight, everyone is getting their nicknames!” Pinoe said, her speech already slightly slurring.

The girls groaned and rolled their eyes.  
“Shut up, shut up just listen!” Pinoe said standing up and going around the circle.

“Tobs, you already know you’re the Grandma so nothing new there. Alex is DB. Abby is the bull...”

“Hey hey wait wait...you have to explain these shitty nicknames if you’re handing em out!” Alex said and Tobin could tell that her speech was slurring a little too. Tobin was the only team member that did not have a cranberry and vodka on the side in addition to the swigs of champagne and she was starting to see the side effects that extra drink was having on her friends.

“Ok, Ok just shut up and let me talk! Ugh you guys are always trying to steel my thunder! Alex you’re DB, short for double back...well cause you don’t have any tits.”

The group burst out laughing so hard that it was silent for a good 10 seconds. Even Alex couldn’t help herself.

“WTF Pinoe you fucking shit head! I’m not the only bitch here that’s flat chested!”

“But I didn’t say flat chested. I said NO TITS! That means NO TITS! Don't feel so bad though Alex, you make up for it with that face. Trust me!” The rest of the team was still rolling around laughing and trying to catch their breath.

“Wow dude, I’m sorry Alex but that shit is funny! She’s right though. You better be glad you

have that whole hot Alexandra thing going.” This earned Ashlyn a good hard slap on the arm from Ali which settled her down real quick and sent everyone into another laughing fit.

“Wait, wait...OMG I think I might throw up....I can’t...can’t breathe!” Carli said through slitted eyes that had tears streaming out of them.

“PPPFFFFTTtttt, fucking man eater over here is one to talk. She’s more masculine than us gays! You’re not too far behind Car.” Pinoe says cocking her head over to Carli.

“Princess my ass. If you want to be called Princess, it has to be Princess Pukey since you are obviously gonna be the first to puke. I don’t think I’ve ever seen your face this red Pukey.”

“Abby is the bull cuz she’s as big as one. Seriously, I get scared sometimes when I see her running. I think she’s gonna trample me.”

“You little fucking bastard!” Abby said good naturedly.  
The laughing flowed right into the next nickname. The team was in hysterics and half of them couldn’t breathe anymore. All of them were crying.

“Syd and Kristie, well I want to call you horny little bitches Lemew since you two can’t keep your hands off each other. Kristie I think its safe to say that you’ve had a good taste of a sista and you’re never going back.”

Kristie was still laughing and just nodded her head in agreement.

“Hey that’s not even insulting.” Alex sulked.

“Hey Hey DB calm down. That’s their couple name not their individual name.”

Syd and Kristie groaned.

Pinoe went on assigning everyone nicknames.

Kristie- Happy, because when she smiled she looked like the dwarf from Snow white

Syd- Jugs, because “Well you’re the opposite of DB over here. You got some big one’s!”

Hope- The Oak, because her squirrel loves to climb her.

Kelley- The squirrel that climbs the oak.

Ashlyn- Pup, because she’s a love sick puppy.

Ali- Princess because she has Ashlyn treating her that way and she’s really girly.

Lauren- Larry from the three stooges since she has curly hair.

HAO- Doc, since she resembles another dwarf from Snow White and she's smart.

*******************************************

It was nearing two in the morning and the liquor had run out. Everyone managed to stumble to their rooms and Pinoe stayed in Syd and Kristie’s room too drunk to walk.

Tobin helped Alex walk the entire way relishing the chance she had to be in contact with her body.  
The couple entered the room to find Ashlyn and Ali making out on their bed.

“Maybe we should give them a minute?” Tobin asked. Alex snorted.

“If we surrender the room we are gonna have to surrender it for the rest of the night. These two aren’t gonna stop. We’re just gonna have to deal with it. Its nothing we haven’t seen anyway.”

Alex stumbled a little as she walked by their bed to get to hers. Ashlyn and Ali hadn’t even acknowledged their presence. Alex slapped Ali on the butt as she walked by to get her attention.

“We are here guys...tone it down a little. Save it for when you’re not sharing a room with us.”

Tobin had followed Alex, eyes averted and she heard Ashlyn giggle under Ali when Alex addressed them. Ashlyn whispered something about Ali not being able to resist her.

Tobin went into the bathroom to get ready for bed and Alex followed.

“Uhh, ok I’ll let you have the bathroom first Lex.” Tobin said nervously as she attempted to walk out. Alex held up an arm to block her. They made eye contact for a few seconds and Tobin could swear she saw Alex’s eyes turn dark. They were more black now than blue and Tobin didn’t understand what was going on.

“Its ok Toby, we can share the bathroom. What’s the big deal?”

“Oh...ok Lex let me just grab my pjs...”

“What’s wrong with sleeping in what you have on?”

Alex asked giving Tobin a very serious, very obvious dose of elevator eyes. Tobin swallowed thickly at the way Alex made her feel just by looking at her.

“Well, this button up is not that comfortable to sleep in Lex.”

“Yea...but your sports bra is...isn’t it?” Alex said as she unbuttoned the top botton on Tobin’s shirt. Tobin closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure if she had wandered into a dream.

Alex saw the expression on her face and she didn’t want Tobin to feel uncomfortable at all. Alex leaned forward and engulfed Tobin in a warm strong hug.

“Like I’ve always said, whatever you want to do. Whatever is comfortable for you. Whatever’s clever.”

“What are you gonna wear Lex?” Tobin asked feeling her confidence build from the tight embrace.

“Whatever you wear or don’t wear...” Alex whispered against Tobin’s throat.  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Oh Fuck...this is way too much...fuck it. What am I waiting for?)

Tobin lightly broke the embrace and unbuttoned her shirt quickly before she could change her mind. Alex stood watching and biting her bottom lip, not being able to tear her eyes away. Then Tobin stood there in front of her just in a sports bra. Her bear skin rippling with goose flesh at the exposure to the cool air in the room.

“Do...do you have an extra pair of boxers I can borrow Lex?” It took Alex a few seconds to register the question. She hadn’t been able to tear her eyes away from all the smooth tan skin she was looking at and Tobin’s ridiculously great looking abs.

“Sh Sure Toby. You want to wear some of my boxers?” “Yea is that ok?”  
(Alex’s brain notes: So, so, so fucking sexy and cute. JFC!) “Of course it is. Just...let me get em.”

Alex walked out of the bathroom on legs that felt like pogo sticks, sober and trembling.

Tobin took this time to regroup from all the heat rising to her cheeks and her entire body. She took a few deep breaths and reminded herself not to think too much.

Soon Alex was back with a pair of boxers with little sharks on them.  
“These are cute Lex...are these your favorite pair cuz I think I might have to keep them.” “They are my lucky pair. If I let you keep them will you let me keep your lucky cap?” “Hmmm I’ll think about it.”

Alex turned her back to give Tobin privacy so she could slip the boxers over her underwear once her jeans were off. Tobin found this to be sweet since Alex was so insistent on watching her take her shirt off. The innocence of the whole situation made her smile and blush behind Alex’s back. Alex caring enough to do this made Tobin’s heart sing. The respect shown in this simple act made Tobin just want to scatter all her worries to the wind, turn Alex around and kiss her with everything she had...but she didn’t.

“Ready...?” Alex asked, back still turned.

Instead, she walked up behind her boldly much as she had done that day in the van and wrapped her bare arms around her pressing her bare chest into Alex’s back.

Tobin felt Alex take in a sharp breath. “You ok?”  
Alex laughed nervously and nodded her head. She rested her hands and arms over Tobins. “You just kinda scared me. I didn’t know you were gonna sneak a hug.”  
“I’m full of surprises huh?”  
“After seeing you with your shirt off, you have no idea.” Alex said before she could stop herself. This made Tobin burst out laughing.  
“What?! I’m serious Tobin...your abs are insane!”  
“Whatever crazy...I’ll see you in bed. Hurry up and change.”  
Tobin said walking out of the bathroom shaking her head.

Alex almost ripped her shirt in her haste to take it off as soon as the door closed. She knew what was waiting for her in bed. She dropped trou and put on her boxers. She walked out of the bathroom before she could over think it and saw Tobin in bed waiting for her. Tobin was lying on her side facing the bathroom door and when Alex emerged she took in the beautiful sight. Alex’s stomach and shoulders and arms were covered in smooth tan skin and her beautiful abs were just

sculpted enough to make her look feminine and sexy.  
(Tobin’s brain notes: Jesus, she looks like a fucking swim suit model.)  
Alex bit her lip and looked down as she felt Tobin’s eyes crawling all over her bare skin.

This wasn’t the first time Tobin had seen Alex but it was the first time Alex was seeing Tobin seeing her. Tobin was almost panting as she watched the gentle movement of Alex’s body as she simply stood there breathing. She didn’t know what the future held or if she even had a future with this gorgeous girl. All she knew was the fluttering mores code her heartbeat was making high in the corner of her neck and the message it was tapping out was “hold her, feel her, kiss her, love her.” Tobin closed her eyes for a second and she felt that the staring had been going on for hours when it was only really a couple of minutes. Tobin wanted to commit this to memory. The smell of the hotel room. The burning deep in her stomach from the champagne and the desire for Alex. The feel of the goosebumps that just refused to go away prickling her skin and causing a shiver to radiate through her body. And Alex. The sight of Alex standing next to the bed exposing half of the beauty that had been kept hidden behind the confines of her clothing. Brown wavy hair all pulled to one side lying neatly on her chest. Alex Morgan.

“You...you’re beautiful Lex...” Tobin whispered eyes still closed. “Huh? Did you say something?”

“I...I said you’re beautiful. Don’t ever forget that.” Tobin pronounced every word slowly and with care trying to calm the quiver in her body trying to prevent it from becoming audible in her voice.

“Come here and help keep me warm...I’m fucking freezing.” Tobin said with a little chatter of her teeth that had absolutely nothing to do with the temperature of the room.

Alex giggled and ran toward the bed jumping on Tobin.

“UHHH Lex that fucking hurt! You kneed my stomach!” Tobin yelled curling up in the fetal position.

“Hey...shhhh, people are trying to sleep.” Ashlyn whispered from their left.

“Oh shut up Ash and finger your girl or something....” Alex said with a laugh causing Ali to blush furiously.

Tobin laughed even though her stomach was really hurting. When she didn’t automatically uncurl her body Alex grew concerned and slid her body closer.

“Let me see Toby. I’m sorry I really didn’t mean to knee you.”

Alex ran her hand from Tobin’s shoulder down her arm and started trying to coax  
her arms open so she could inspect her stomach for anything that looked unusual. When Tobin finally straightened out and opened her arms, Alex wasted no time in running her fingers down Tobins abs. Tobin shivered under Alex’s fingertips breathing in small quick pants.

“You Ok?” Alex asked looking into Tobin’s eyes.

“Yea, just a little ticklish....please please don’t take that as an invitation to tickle me cuz I’m in a lot of pain Lex...please.”

Alex laughed at Tobin’s moaning. “You’re just a big baby aren’t you?” Alex said, her voice quickly dropping into a flirtatious tone. It was all innocent and playful right now but Tobin had a feeling she didn’t understand. It was all new and the only  
thing they were going on was instinct. Tobin’s gut was telling her that right now it was all innocent and it didn’t mean anything but there was a fine line and she knew that if that line was crossed there would be no going back. Tobin knew that when

the line was crossed, somehow she would know and she would capitalize.

“I’m sorry you big baby. I would kiss it but I wouldn’t want to tickle you.” And there it was. As clear as day. Tobin had a clear shot. She could challenge Alex or she could leave the comment lying there heavy and unforgiving to reflect on later and regret thoroughly because she didn’t make a move.

(Tobin’s brain notes: How the fuck do I do this? Think fast before its too late!)

“Oh that’s just an excuse...I know you want to put your lips on these ‘insane abs’ but its ok. I know you’re just scared.”

There is was. The gauntlet had been thrown. Alex’s move in an intense game of chess. The ball was in her court. Alex held all the cards. Tobin waited with baited breath. Who is going to win this one? Both of them.

Alex looked into Tobin’s eyes...there it was again. The darkness blacking out her clear blue irises.

Alex didn’t speak and didn’t hesitate. She dropped down dipping her head under the blankets leaving three open mouth kisses on Tobin’s stomach. Both teenagers were breathing hard and fast and this time they weren’t even trying to hide it. Tobin yanked Alex up from under the blankets and connected their foreheads where they both stayed with their eyes closed trying to catch their breath.

“Tobin, I really want you to know something. I need you to know how I feel.” Alex whispered, eyes still closed with her forehead still connected with Tobins.

“Talk to me Alex. I promise you it will be ok.”

“I want to tell you what’s been on my mind but I feel like it would be wrong. I have to....take care of some things before I tell you anything. I have to...let things play out.”

Tobin couldn’t be sure but she had a feeling this had something to do with Servando and it completely ripped her heart in two.

(Tobin’s brain notes: If she says they aren’t together why the FUCK does it matter?) Here comes the uncertainty again.

(Tobin’s brain notes: She’s straight. She knows I like her and she doesn’t want to hurt me so she won’t tell me to leave her alone but she doesn’t want to be with me either. I am so fucking stupid! I let myself believe again....)

“I understand Alex. I don’t know what’s going on with you but I will always be here for you. I’ll always be your friend. Now come here and let me cuddle you. I’m exhausted.”

Alex was fighting the urge to say the words with every fiber of her being. She didn’t want to hurt Servando and she didn’t want to hurt or lose Tobin. Because all things aside, she still believed that there was a good chance Tobin was straight. Alex’s head felt dizzy from all the alcohol and the mounting disappointment at the way the night was going to end. In the arms of the girl she wanted

so bad but could never have.

The drive back was painful for both of them knowing that this was the end to a summer they would never forget and not knowing what the future held. They said they would see each other next summer. Next summer for sure. As they embraced and walked away, the space between them becoming greater and greater with every step they ached with the pain of the separation but they both knew that they could never give up on each other. No matter where life would take them. They knew they would find each other again. It was meant to be this way. And even though they didn’t have a clue how or in what way, they knew that they were meant to be together. Until next time....next summer.

(Tobin’s & Alex’s brain notes: Why the fuck didn’t I ask for her number?)


End file.
